


Written there

by JamieWinchester



Series: Written [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU: Alternate Universe, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - BDSM, Dean Winchester Angst, Demon Dean Winchester, Drug Abuse, F/M, John Winchester sucks as a parent, M/M, Painplay, Past Abuse, Past Torture, Possessive Dean Winchester, Psychological Torture, Top Dean Winchester, Torture, author doesn't like john, but it's not in the right order mostly, hurt comfort, soul mates, there's canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-06-10 00:31:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 18
Words: 38,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6930679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamieWinchester/pseuds/JamieWinchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world where your soul mate has a tie to you, written on your skin. when what's left there appears on the hands of your mate, dean winchester is well aware his probably thinks he's a mass murderer of some kind. Yet, when she reaches out to him, he discovers he's not able to not go help her. that when she needs help, he can provide it. but will past secrets, scars, and the coming apocalypse let them have any sort of peace, with angels breathing down their necks, and lucifer in the wings? Will a love that's already been tested, break under the weight of the world?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Is it a call, when it's written?

**Author's Note:**

> Yea so, here we go. Also, be warned, just like the tags say, I don't like John winchester, hate his style of parenting, and have seriously detoured into seriously dark stuff in this fic. while there are amusing, and fluffy moments, there's also some really dark stuff, broken and battered things in here, so if it's not your cup of tea, I'll try warning you before the chapter that has the dark stuff, but be warned, as a majority, it's pretty dark.
> 
> Feel free to comment, message me, I'm always glad to hear from readers.^^

No one knew anymore when it started, or when things had changed for humanity. Yet, for as long as history could remember, there had always been writing on skin. A connection, a link to the one person in the world who would understand you, accept you. The missing half of the soul, a bond that would stand the test of whatever the world would throw at it. A soul mate. Writings that appeared, written in scrawly, loopy beautiful letters....whatever your mate wrote like, the words appeared. Sometimes, it was something innocent, in children, pictures. As people grew, the lists became less innocent, less sure. More hidden. A secret to be kept to themselves, not to try and find if you didn’t want to.

In Dean Winchester’s case, it had gone from innocent drawings and lists, to blood soaked hands and powder burns. To seeing slender pale scars starting to decorate knuckles, or seeing a band of scars from a bracelet digging in. A bracelet that didn’t belong to him, but left scars all the same. Years of innocence gone in a wash of blood and the roar of the impala. 

He’d not always been hard and cynical against the idea of a soul mate. When he had been a child, living under the control of John Winchester, sometimes the person at the other end had been his only escape, his only comfort. Before he could truly read or write, he drew small faces, or animals to communicate. When you were younger, the messages came faster, minutes instead of hours. As you got older, the messages appeared slower, as people began to age, second guess themselves and break under the pressure of society to turn away from the people they were connected to. And no one had broken more then Dean Winchester.

John had broken him, and rebuilt him from the ashes of the child he’d been. The hunting taking over everything until it was all he knew, all he could understand. He was broken, and because of that, after the age of sixteen, he’d never wrote on his hands again. while he had noticed the occasional notes and drawings she sent him, he ignored them as best he could, and over time it got easier. Gotten so easy that half the time, he’d forgotten he was tethered to someone else.

Sam never asked why Dean never wrote on his hands, and the elder Winchester could only be thankful for that. He supposed Sam just assumed Dean didn’t do it where other people could see. As children aged into adults, it became more and more of a private thing, until most adults did it behind closed doors so no one else could see.It was a intimate thing after all, sharing yourself with someone that openly. Dean knew Sam only wrote things when he had enough privacy.

Which was why when the dark scrawling started across his palm, Dean didn’t notice it right away as he drove. Didn’t notice the darkly scrawled 785-555-0128 Call. DW. Followed by a tangled jumble of letters, as if it’d been smeared. 

Startling when he did see it, he hit the brakes so hard that the impala twisted as it protested the sudden stop, a squeal of tires sending Sam’s knees cracking into the dashboard, the younger scrambling for a weapon, even as Dean scrambled for a pen and paper, the letters already starting to fade even as he wrote it down.

“Dean?”Sam blinked as he realized they weren’t being attacked, frowning as he watched Dean scribble the letters in that familiar messy scrawl.”What is it?”He said rubbing a hand over his face, before sighing. “And get out of the road, you’re going to get hit.”

“We’ve been on this road for six hours and I haven’t even seen a little old lady. Now shut up and read.”Dean said as past the small piece of scrap paper over to Sam, frowning a little. “Can you figure it out?”

“Yea....I think. Hold on.”Sam said as he took the pen, looking at it slowly, writing it out again, teasing the letters into being a actual word.

“Sam, this girl asked me to call my own number. I think she might be a hunter....”Dean said even as he eased the car to the side of the road, glancing at his brother. Watching him work. Stroking the scar on his wrist, he’d almost asked her about it once, but in the end, he’d stayed silent. She must be desperate if she was asking for help. “....Should I write something back do you think?”

“What?Really?”Sam frowned a little thinking about it, before looking at the phone number again. Yea, that was Dean’s, but it amazed him to hear Dean even mention her. He couldn’t remember the last time Dean had talked about her. “Yea. Maybe. If she’s looking for someone to call you, she might be comforted to know you’re actually paying attention.”Sam said watching dean for a moment as he placed a single dot on his hand. A good, simple message in case she’d been kidnapped, something that looked accidental but she’d probably know it wasn’t. “I think it’s Portland, Oregon. She’s got all the letters here, just seems messed up.”

“Damn.”Dean scowled at the nearly 12 hour drive even as he hit the gas. Hopefully, she could last 12 hours. Just 12 hours. That’s all. Yet, no matter how much he tried to make himself feel better at that, that it wasn’t longer, the sick feeling in his stomach just made him hit the gas harder as he flew down the highway, and hope they weren’t to late.


	2. Coffee and discovering

Dean paused as he climbed out of the car, frowning a little as he looked around the city. Quiet for a long moment as he tried to decide if there was anything to out of place before heading into the coffee shop across from them. If there was anything to be heard, even in a city this big, a coffee shop would know things.

“.....Does this mean you’re going to be the senior agent this time, demanding and annoying?”Sam asked as he straightened his tie, having paused long enough to grab the FBI clothes and put them on about a half hour before. It couldn’t hurt, not when there was hunter in town, probably the easiest way to find her, if she was pretending herself. 

“Yes.”Dean said simply as he checked his wallet to make sure the fake badge was still there as he headed inside with Sam.

Ordering coffee for them both, Sam was quiet until they settled at a table with the coffee and newspapers, tilting his head a little as he watched the ink start covering Dean’s palm again. Reaching across the table so he could nudge Dean’s hand open. “....Squatch is real,Dean...”he snorted a little. “Well. Even if she doesn’t know it’s you, she’s figured out she can get messages to you somehow, even if it’s someone else calling.”Sam muttered as he looked around. While it was worrying, it also amused him to know that the girl didn’t know she was talking to Dean. Settling in to read the paper.

“hm?”Dean frowned before looking down at his hand. “Squatch?As Sasquatch?”He muttered looking baffled. “You know, she’s a smart cookie.”he agreed, feeling a bit proud to have a clever soul mate, even if it could never work out.

“Yea. Seems like she can’t spell, or she’s in more trouble then caring to spell it right.”Sam muttered frowning a little. “She is. If we end up hunting, it’ll be something we know where to go with.”

“No, she can spell. She was writing before I could read, and I know she’s my age. She’s probably in to much trouble to bother spelling right.”Dean said, and wasn’t that worrying on it’s own. Sighing softly, before looking at his brother again.

“Anything interesting?”He asked, looking at Sam as he picked up the local school newspaper, starting to pick through it. Students tended to report on things that adults wouldn’t, and you could learn some fantastic rumors that way. Grabbing the sharpie out of his pocket he made another dot on his hand, but when someone bumped into him he scowled as it left a streak across his hand. Well. At least she’d get the ‘I got your message’ message. He had to snicker a little though, as he saw the things appearing on Sam’s hands. Bright splashes of paint in all colors. He’d always known Sam’s mate was a painter and it always amused him when Sam got dyed different colors.

“Yea. There’s been some killings in town. Messy, bloody, and the only thing in common was it was all bigfoot people.....people who said they’d seen the beast before....”Sam frowned a little. “Well, at least that’ll get her attention.”Sam said eyeing the line on Dean’s hand, flushing slightly as he looked at his own hands. 

“But Sasquatches don’t kill, they’re peaceful.”Dean frowned a little, because he’d always known they existed. He’d run into them before, they were solitary, rare and only mildly territorial. They were more likely to run away than defend themselves and were extremely shy. “If it’s really a Sasquatch killing these people, and it’s because of something. There’s a reason, I know one mother Sasquatch lead a massacre when a bunch of campers found her baby and stuck it in a cage....that’s the only time I’ve ever heard of them killing anyone.”

“Then someone might be taking advantage of the legend. We’ll look into it. Maybe that’s the problem. She came expecting a Sasquatch, and got something nastier.”Sam sighed a little at the thought, it made sense really..“We should check out the motel. If she’s not there, her car might....or she might have a room. Might be able to know who’s in town. Seems the beast is hunting at night mostly, she might be asleep.”

“We’ll check in, catch a nap, and go out tonight. Head to the crime scenes, see if we can find her or anything else. Check in with the local Sasquatch hunters to. They might know something.”

“Sounds good.”Sam muttered as he got up.

Dean nodded a little, quiet as they headed for the car, “You still talk to yours?Do they ever ask?About the blood?”

“Sometimes, after bad hunts....and not really. I think. I mean. I told him, I’m in the family business, butchering things and hunting, so I don’t think he’s really wondered what I really hunted.”Sam said shrugging a little as he settled into the car, curious at the other’s sudden need to talk. And wondering if Dean was putting off facing whatever they were hunting for just a bit. “....Wait. You don’t talk to yours?”

 

“So he....he?”Dean paused startled before snorting. “That explains some things....so he thinks you hunt bear or something?”he asked before grimacing and dropping his eyes from the road for a moment before looking back. “I haven’t let so much as a drop of ink touch my hands since I was sixteen. Dad said it wasn’t worth the risk, because I wasn’t good enough, never would be. She’d just die on me.....this is the first time in years she’s....sometimes she sends doodles but I never responded....”

“Yes he.And what things?”Sam asked his sibling.

“Yes. A few things. Like when you were little and used to paint your toenails and you’re so damned picky about your appearance. And why I can never get you laid.”

“It’s not my fault you and dad looked like the bad end of a bar fight.”Sam sighed ignoring dean’s soft distracted laughter before getting back on topic after the distraction.. “Something. Never went into detail, and he never asked beyond making sure I wasn’t a serial killer or something.”Though, that had some room for interpretation considering his life. “Dean....”He muttered trailing off at the idea of what John had done to him. Pausing as he stared into the parking lot as Dean pulled in, Sam shook his head a little as he eyed the classic mustang in the motel parking lot. Someone shared Dean’s love for gas guzzling beasts, and half wondering if Dean would even sleep in the face of having a chance to drool over the car. “Well. At least she knew when she was in trouble. She reached out. Trusted you enough to call Dean Winchester. Knew that you were probably a hunter, who could get her help. So how about we go play the heroes she thinks we are?”

“Yea. Let’s go save the pretty maiden.”Dean muttered, laughter and sarcasm hiding just how very worried he was. “Oh god. Look. Look at it, she’s beautiful.”Dean drooled a little, completely derailed at the sight of the car.

“It is indeed. Are you thinking of trading baby in now?”He asked looking at his brother as he walked towards the car, pausing as he caught sight of what was etched into the chrome of the bumper. “I think we found out hunter.”

“Never. Baby is my baby, but this darling would make a great backup.”Dean muttered as he looked in the windows, before looking at the devil’s trap so carefully etched. “Definitely found her....think she’ll get pissed if I check her car?”

“I’m sure Baby’s relieved to know that.”Sam said rolling his eyes a little as he looked the car over.“She might, but considering you showed up, she’ll probably forgive you. Just hurry. I have no desire to get caught breaking into a fed’s car.”

“Baby is relieved. I’m parking Baby next to this gorgeous girl.”Dean said as he worked the lock.“We only have to tell the truth. We received a distress signal from a fellow agent and are trying to find her.”Dean said as he popped the car door, and slid into the driver’s seat to start looking. 

“You sound like your setting your car up on a date.”Sam said rolling his eyes as he popped open the glove compartment, staring, because it was much like theirs. A tangle of fake IDs, two cell phones, a journal, and while their was multiple names on the IDs, at least they had a picture. Soft blond hair, wide blue eyes, soft features, she looked fae-like and delicate for a hunter. Staring at the picture he frowned trying to place her.

“What, you don’t think Baby is beautiful enough to pick up chicks? This gorgeous lady would totally do Baby.”He admitted before snorting a little as he saw the clutter. Part of him wondering if it would work after all. This girl was practically a identical copy to him. “Got a picture.”He said before cringing as he registered who it was, feeling sick as he stared down. Oh gods.....”Her name is Bailey Daniels.”He admitted.

“She is. Though I think you’re the only one who treats his car like a girl.”Sam said amused, amusement growing as he realized just how similar the two of them where, before looking over at Dean at the tone he was hearing. Studying the tense jaw and annoyed look. “You know her?I take it it didn’t go well...”  
“Nah, she does to....we hunted together for a long time. Two years almost. Joined us off and on shortly after I gave up on a soul mate....Dad hated having her there, but he promised her dad or something, so he showed her the ropes and kept her alive. But no...it didn’t end well.”

Sliding out of the car Dean patted the door gently as he got up. “Here. You move baby, and I’ll go in and ask if the front desk has seen her.”

“Okay, I’ll go right in.”he said getting out of the car himself and taking the keys. Pausing to stare at his brother. “18?19?...interesting time to have a girl around. I’d left for college by then....you could use the backup.”

“More 19,20....And wasn’t for the backup he let her hang around. She made damn good bait. That’s why she left, because we used her. We weren’t quick enough and she got hurt. I went to go save her and blew her cover, and I got dad hurt and he beat the shit out of me. She tried to get in the middle of it so he beat her to....we ran away for a week, had sex...neither of us knew what we were doing and broke it off because neither of us knew where to go or what to do. She told me if I went back to dad she’d never see me again....and I went back.”He said only telling Sam so he’d stop asking.

Sam paled a little at the idea that his father had been callous enough to use a girl who’d probably stayed more for Dean’s company then anything she was learning. To make sure that the two would never be able to see each other again. That even after nearly 11 years apart, dean was upset. Not that his brother was being emotional about it, but he knew he was. “Despite that. When she needed help, she went looking for you. Means something dean.”

“That she’s desperate and doesn’t have any other choice.”Dean said as he headed inside, and watching him go, Sam knew he’d never convince Dean otherwise.


	3. Hotel Rooms

“Agent?”The desk clerk looked up, frowning a little when Dean introduced himself. “I didn’t think these killings required feds to show up.....and she didn’t say she was a fed.”The man said before looking at the picture the elder Winchester was holding again. “I haven’t seen her since yesterday morning.”

“Sir, there’s been six murders in the past month, all from the exact same group of people and you don’t think the FBI would be involved?This is a profiled case, and this girl, is one of us even if she didn’t introduce herself like that. Now, she sent out a distress signal and you say she’s not been seen since yesterday......which room is she staying in?I’m going to need the key and any information on where she might have been going.”

“Yea...I guess so.”The man frowned staring at the picture before sighing. “She came in for some coffee and food before she left again. Like weird, but not horrible.”The man said because the girl had been odd, different the whole week she’d been there. “Room 101, back corner bottom floor. Here’s the key.”He said handing it over just as Sam walked in. Frowning slightly. “Said she was driving out to Gifford National Forest for the day, thought it was weird she didn’t take the car though.”

Which meant she’d run into trouble in town, or found another way out there, neither of which appealed to dean.

“Yea, she’s a odd duck, but she’s one of the best. That’s why it’s so trouble that she sounded the alarm. She’s never had to before, and this was sudden....you know anyone who might have a map of the forest?And we’re going to need a room for the night.”

“She seemed anxious...and yes.”The man said pointing to the rank of fliers, “That had all the trails she was talking about. She was looking for the lake and backwoods, said she was something about the Sasquatch or the hunters that were killed.”The man said, watching the two agents go, in puzzled concern.

Sam was quiet until they got to the room, frowning a little as he pushed it open. Looking around at the news-clippings pinned to the wall, books piled on the floor. It looked like a hurricane had run through the room, a manic researcher, and half wondering if this was her usual method of researching. Frowning as he moved into the room further, looking the clippings over. “Dean. These are older then just six months. Whatever she’s looking for, seems she knew it was more then just people thinking Sasquatch gone wild.”

Though why she’d mention the beast if she knew it wasn’t true was questionable, unless she was so pressed for time, she’d simply gave them a place to start. And that wasn’t a thought that appealed Sam at all. The longer they were here, the less Sam liked it.

“pack up everything, we can’t run the risk of someone trying to cover their trail and clearing it out for us....I’m beginning to think the Squatch she’s talking about isn’t the sassy variety.”He admitted as he grabbed his marker again to draw on his hand. Hoping she’d understand. It was something he’d often drawn on his hand when he was going hunting with his head. A buck, a stick figure of course, he wasn’t that good at artwork. Still, it’d let her know he hoped, that he was hunting and that Dean Winchester was to.

“If it’s a squatch of some kind, they had help. I mean, coming into town, means human.”Sam muttered wincing a little at the idea of her getting into trouble in town. Made things more complicated. Packing the papers he frowned, picking up a picture as he held it close, making out details. “....Is it just me, or does that sorta look like Crowley?”He said. Never a good thing, only good thing was the picture was a decade old....on the other hand, someone in town might have made a deal. Paling a little even as Dean turned to look at him, as he saw the sudden wash of blood slide over Dean’s hands.

“...what the hell was she looking into?”Dean scowled as he looked at the picture, before looking at the walls as he pulled the rest of them down. “You’re thinking the same thing I am, someone here made a deal and she got involved. If Crowley’s fucking with her, I’m going to kill him.”Dean scowled as he raised a hand, staring at the wash of blood. “....She’s never had blood on her hands long enough to transfer before....”He whispered, actually sounding frightened. “We need to find her now. Look faster.”He commanded, sounding desperate as he started digging.

“Dammit.”Sam growled, looking for anything in the mess. Anything that might be a place to start. 

“....Hey Sam?You don’t think....”Dean stared at the picture in his hand a moment longer, “Maybe she made a deal?It’s been just over ten years since I saw her.....do you think she made a deal, and Crowley’s collecting? If that’s true, can’t really hate Crowley for doing his job....”Dean muttered, frowning. He had so many conflicting emotions about the crossroads demon.

“I don’t know....she might have. I don’t know her. What do you think?would she have made a deal?”He asked curious about dean’s answer. “She wrote for a reason, Dean. Unless she’s cruel enough to set us chase our tails. Nasty enough to risk seeing you again for it.”Sam said, having a feeling the girl had probably gone out of her way to avoid Dean, so it wasn’t likely she set him up.

“Hard to tell....she lost a great deal in a matter of a few years. Parents slaughtered, nearly raped, beaten, me....I was all she had left. I think, and I was to selfish and frightened of dad to go with her....if she had been desperate, she might very well have....”Dean trailed off, sighing softly before looking up as Sam spoke. 

“The forest. If she was searching there, it’s like whatever she’s hunting took her back there.”He said before frowning nudging dean’s hand open. Wincing at the bloody writing. She’d either run out of pen, or someone had taken it. “The rangers retreat at Gifford Mountain....it’s a drive, but the map makes it look like we can get the impala up there.”

“Good plan.”Dean muttered before frowning at his hand, nodding. “Why does this feel like a set up? Why wouldn’t she take her car if ours can make it?”He said

“It does, but could you live with yourself if we didn’t go?”Sam asked even as he watched Dean head for the door. Why did it seem like he was going to spend the next few days, following after Dean, watching his back as he rushed everywhere.


	4. Chapter 4

Sam frowned at the pulled into the Rangers’ station, easing the door open. Nerves thrumming in the pure quiet of the forest and house, and he knew the forest was never truly quiet, not like this. It was just a slight....wrongness, that said something was wrong. Moving into the two story wood cabin, he looked around at the huge entrance way even as he heard Dean coming in after him. Pausing as he sniffed the air.

Hellfire.

While hellfire looked like regular fire, it smelled like brimstone and sulfur, and Sam knew whatever was waiting for them, was going to be bad even as he eased further into the room. Sam could almost smell the tang of holy oil over it. It was....a very unique smell that only belonged to a single lord of hell, who just happened to be a former angel.

“....”Dean scowled as he touched the box of salt in his pocket, even as the smell hit him, shuddering a little as he followed Sam, covered his back as they moved further into the room. It had to be a trick or trap. It made no sense that she would from talking about Sasquatches to giving the location that was surrounded in a stench of hell. He knew it in his gut, he was walking into something bad, and he didn’t want to but he would, because Bailey needed him to, moving further in after Sam. Tensing at the smell from the stairs.

“Dean!”Sam yelled from the top of the stairs, already moving across the ballroom floor, wanting to run, but forcing himself to slowly go towards the woman he could see there in the middle of the floor. Staring down at her as he got to her side, paling. 

“Coming!”

Sam nodded a little even if he knew Dean wouldn’t see it, crouching down to look at her slowly, staring at the blade that had been driven through her upper shoulder, lower neck, shuddering a little. It looked like he’d driven the angel blade through, left it in place, and trusted that she’d either slit her own throat when she woke, or they’d do it removing the blade. “He’s gone....he’s done the damage he wanted to.”Sam muttered looking at Dean as he lowered the gun, setting it aside as he focused on Bailey.

“Fuck...”Dean breathed softly as he moved to kneel across from Sam, gritting his teeth so hard he was certain he’d probably broken teeth. Gripping her head in one hand and setting a hand on her chest with the other, he locked her into position because she was beginning to stir and he didn’t want her doing what Lucifer wanted. “Make a circle. I don’t want hell hounds to start popping up now that we’re here.”Dean said before looking down as Sam moved to do the circles, looking down at the fluttering eyelids. “Bailey Daniels?I need you to hold very, very still. I know it hurts, but we have to set up the circle in case hounds come back, and I can’t help you till my partner finishes. Just lay still and not struggle okay?”

Bailey frowned a little, looking confused. Almost understanding who she was seeing, but he was more world weary, worn then he had been at 19, and the pain was burying memories deep. “Kay....”She muttered closing her eyes.

“Circles closed....We need Cas.”Sam muttered, watching Dean, knowing the man had the better chance of getting the current general of heaven’s attention then he did. “Either way, if we pull it out or move her, it’s going to do damage.”Which he knew was what Lucifer had probably counted on. Her killing herself, or Dean doing it in the middle of freeing her.

“Thanks Sam.”Dean muttered absently, holding her tighter as she frowned and closed her eyes. Carefully making sure she couldn’t move, not relaxing as she calmed. He knew she’d done that when she was younger, pretending to be calm and unconscious, then attacking once he assailant had lowered their guard. She’d rip herself to pieces if she thought he was lying or was the one who’d hurt her. “Castiel?Can you hear me you feathered asshole? I need a little bit of help here.”He said, paling as he felt the wet tackiness of blood seeping over his hand as it seeped around the blade.

“Sam?”Bailey muttered quietly, stirring a little at the name, it wasn’t a common hunter one. In fact she only knew one, squinting a little as she looked up, rolling her eyes to try and get a look at the other man, but not fighting Dean’s hands to move, not yet.

“Yea, Sam’s here.”Dean agreed, smiling a little. Not jealous because he was pretty sure she was only reacting to a name she recognized.

“.....There were hellhounds awaiting you outside.”Castiel said as he appeared, wiping the sword in his hand clear, flicking it a little towards the wall, with a little bit of angel mojo the blade was cleared. “I cleared them out for now, but I doubt that will be the last of them.”

“Shit, seriously?What the hell did you do to piss off them off?”Dean demanded looking at bailey, not because he wanted to know, but because Dean thought he already did. Lucifer knew who their mates were. This wasn’t about her, but punishment for them. Hopefully, they’d be able to find sam’s soul mate soon, otherwise they’d be fucked.

“Just huntin....”Bailey muttered, the words starting to slur together.

“Pull the sword out, I can’t heal her with it still in.”Cas said as he moved to their side.

“Sam?Come hold her still. You’re stronger than I am. I’ll pull the sword out.”Dean said carefully edging out of Sam’s way and when he was ready, quickly pulled the sword free. Wincing at the scream, slurred and hurting as the sword came free.

Cas winced a little as he looked down, resting gentle fingers against her skin as he healed her, before looking at the two. “I cannot do anything for the blood loss, or the scar she will have.”Cas said frowning slightly as he stood, tilting his head slightly. “She does not know you are her mate?”Cas added, knowing Bailey was out, having put her to sleep to let her recover, and knowing Dean. Despite knowing the lord of hell was hunting her, wouldn’t tell her. It was going to be interesting to see, if he was going to be able to let her be on her own now.

“Thanks Cas. She’ll survive to recover and that’s what’s important.”Dean promised his angel even as he dropped the blade and frowned a little. Tugging his own shirt aside to look at the hand print, then the echoing one on Bailey’s. As if he needed the further confirmation. “Hiding this is going to be hard as hell.”

“Not to bad. I mean, the hand mark yea, but the scar, you’re a hunter. You get them. Just don’t get undressed near her, you wont have to worry about it.”Sam pointed out sighing a little. Though it was probably a bad idea, he had a feeling being around Bailey was going to affect Dean more then he wanted to.

Setting his hand over his eyes for a moment, tired. So tired and craving another drink or maybe something stronger and more satisfying. “She doesn’t know, and no, I’m not going to tell her. The last time we were together things went bad. Really bad. She hates me, or if she has any common sense, she does. I don’t want her to feel trapped just because I’m the one she’s stuck with for the rest of her life. She deserves to be happy and I can’t give her that....I wont send her away though, I don’t think I could.”Dean said frowning a little.

Cas studied his friend for a long moment, before nodding slightly, “I can take her back to the hotel.”He said, setting aside the conversation for the moment. He knew the impala was there, but it would be easier on the girl to take her instantly, and he could look after his friend’s mate. He got Dean into enough trouble, looking after this woman was the least he could do.

“....yea. Take her back.”Dean said standing carefully, picking Bailey up as he gently shifted her into Cas’ arms. “If she wakes, get something into her. Juice if you can, she’ll need the sugar. Even if it’s just a few sips.”

Cas nodded, watching the brother for a long moment before the two were gone in a rustle of feathers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, yes, I know angels are all powerful and healers, but in this world, my angels, when fallen, are still powerful, they're cut off from alot of what they can do, like complete healing. much like Cas in season 5, still a angel but less.I thought I better throw that out there before I got yelled at for it. Anyways, hope you're enjoying!See you next chapter


	5. Junior?

“....I have a headache.”Dean grumbled to himself, rubbing a hand over his face as he eased into the driver’s seat. Rooting around in the door for the aspirin bottle and downing the pills with a swig from his flask as he backed out.

“Anyone would after today.”Sam frowned a little as he slumped into the seat, giving Dean a sideways glance. Glad to see that the headache must have eased off some because by the time they reached the motel, he looked awake and aware. He didn’t look so tired or drawn, though that could have easily just been that his mate was waiting for him. In fact, that would explain the mounting hyperness and the odd twitch he’d developed when he kept stroking the short cropped hair back. Clearly, the woman was affecting his brother more then he thought.

“...You’re acting like a nervous prom date, you know. It’s sorta adorable.”Sam said watching Dean for a moment as they neared the hotel.

“Shut up.”Dean ordered. “I’d like to see you when you meet your damned soul mate. I bet he’s a total fairy.”he teased, before pausing. “That’s the right word right?For a gay man?,....Never mind. I ruined the joke.”

“He’s probably a total fairy. He’s a artist.”Sam said rolling his eyes, not wanting to talk about it, even if he was giving Dean a hard time. “Besides, you’ve already met her. It’s not like she’s a complete stranger. Like most of the female population, she’ll either want to have sex with you, or kick your ass. I’m holding judgment on which.”

“Really? I hadn’t noticed.”Dean said with a pointed look at Sam’s hands, which were bright blue. “He’s working with dye again isn’t he?”He asked with a smile because honestly, he thought Sammy’s mate was a perfect match and he looked forward to the day he could finally be truly happy.

He’d been happy with Jessica. Jessica’s soul mate had died when she was six, to young to really understand that she would never get to meet her fated other. Dean had been surprised that Sam was dating a girl that wasn’t his soul mate, and even more surprised when he’d learned that Sam’s soul mate had given permission and even invited her to come with when they finally met. To know that Sam’s soul mate was more than happy to include another in their soul bond, truly had impressed Dean. Especially since Sam had been so happy with the woman. Snickering a little when the large hearts started to appear. Someone was bored.

“Shut up.”Sam said wrinkling his nose a little, blushing slightly as he looked down. Smiling as he considered just how awesome his soul mate was. They really were well matched, groaning when he saw the hearts. “Damn...I’m going to tell him to stop one day. I can’t be taken serious like this.”He whined a little, though there was to much genuine amusement and happiness in it to make it a true compliant as they pulled into the hotel parking lot.

“She wake any?”Sam said knocking on the hotel door, stepping inside and looking at Cas.

“Briefly, I got a little bit of juice in her before she went back to sleep. She seemed to figure out who came after her, by the way. Seems to think someone else besides you two should be here.”Cas said as he stood, sighing quietly. Knowing Dean would need time to come up with a story, most likely they’d been closer when her soul mate had reached out. 

“Probably looking for John...She’ll probably be glad he’s dead. He wasn’t that nice to her.” Or him, but Dean hadn’t understood, or known any better, hadn’t been strong enough to leave. “Thanks Cas. Go rest. You look wrecked.”Which for Cas, meant he was utterly exhausted, beyond humanly exhausted.

“Or for her soul mate, she doesn’t know it’s you.”Sam reminded Dean quietly, wincing at the idea of how bad John had been to her. While he hadn’t been totally aware when he was young, as he’d gotten older, he’d recognized what was happening, and mourned the fact that he’d been spared when Dean hadn’t been. He could only imagine how John had been with a physically less strong, emotionally isolated girl.

“Call if you need me. I’ll rest.”Cas promised as he disappeared.

“So....do you want me to leave?I could stay in her room.”Which was next door, close enough if he was needed.

“No. Stay. Otherwise she’ll wonder why I’m here alone. Besides Lucifer is still hanging around and there’s hellhounds. I don’t want to take chances.”Dean admitted as he picked at his clothes, fussing with loose threads, anxious and rather unhappy, yet so ecstatic he was bordering on manic energy from being a touch to hyper.

“Don’t look so upset. She’ll think it’s her fault.”Sam said as he settled at his computer with a slight frown, well aware that it probably wouldn’t help.

“I’m not unhappy!”Dean snapped, “I’m....I’m worried. How am I supposed to keep her safe without letting her know?!”

“Well, hellhounds are chasing her. Tell her that. And tell her there’s hell of a hunt. She might want in.”Sam said frowning a little, using his computer as a screen for privacy as he drew on his hand about his brother being a idiot.

“She wont stay.”Dean sighed softly.

“.....”Bailey stirred, frowning a little as she turned her head towards the sounds she was hearing, a quiet whimper escaping. Even if Cas had healed her, it was still sore, like a pulled muscle. “Dean....right?”She blinked slowly, not quite sure she believed what she was seeing. She’d gone out of her way to avoid him, so she hadn’t been sure he’d come when she requested help.

“Yea. It’s me. Got hell of a phone call saying some dude’s mate was in trouble and was asking for some guy named Dean and that she was clearly nuts because she was babbling about a Sasquatch. Told him to shut up. Still, he helped us find you. What do you remember?”Dean asked as he grabbed a little squeeze box of juice that Cas must have gotten. “You lost a lot of blood so try not to move to much.”he added as he helped her sit up to drink.

Bailey frowned a little, both relieved and disappointed at his words. Wincing as it made her chest ache some to know her mate thought she was insane. “Not....much. Came into town to hunt a crossroads. Didn’t....Something went wrong.”She frowned a little but let him help her sip the drink.

“I gotta say Bays, your other half is a bit of a moron. For a hunter. He was pretty damn skeptical about things like this. Honestly, he was a bit of a dick. Dunno if I’d hold my breath on him, you’ll probably hate his guts.”Which was true, even if she was looking at her mate, he really did believe all that about himself. “A crossroads? Nevermind. You found something worse then that. Lucifer’s getting desperate I think. Can’t go after Lisa and Ben, so he’s hunting down anyone he can find that matters to me.”He said, letting her draw her own conclusions. He had no doubt she’d think Lisa was his soul mate and Ben was his son or friend. He fully intended on letting her think that. 

Bailey flinched at the idea of hating her soul mate. Even if he’d been ignoring her, she doodled something at least once a month, something small and simple, to let him know she was alive. It hurt to consider hating him. “Lucifer?”She muttered flinching at the mention of a mate and child, of course he’d moved on. 

“Yea. Lucifer, he wants to possess sam. Haven’t you been keeping up with the rumors?”

“I do, didn’t believe them. ”Bailey said sighing softly, tired.

“Believe them. Now lay back down Sparkplug, or I’ll shove sleeping pills down your throat. I don’t think you understand how close to death you still are.”

“Don’t call me that.”She growled even as she moved carefully.

“Sparkplug?Did you let her touch Baby?”Sam said as he looked over the edge of his laptop, wincing a little as Bailey jumped, finishing his drawing of a sparkplug and a stick figure getting shocked. “Hey. I’m sam.”

“Figured. Who else would put up with this idiot?”Bailey said smiling slightly at Sam’s snort.

“....Not a idiot... And I was young.”Dean said, flushing a little, looking vaguely annoyed that they were ganging up on him“but yea, she touched baby. And I’ll stop calling you that when you stop being a pain in the ass.”

“Interesting.”Sam muttered raising a eyebrow a little as he looked down at his hands, watching the stick figure car with a stick figure person touching the window. Smiling slightly as he drew out a stick figure sex scene, cause Sam had no doubts what touching her meant, she’d helped him work on it at one point. His soul mate knew enough about Dean to guess at that.

Bailey frowned a little at the two brothers, shifting to lean back against the headboard, even the small effort leaving her exhausted. “I’m never the pain in the ass. You’re the one who keeps calling me names, oil slick”Bailey grumbled. There was a distinct lack of bite to the words, mostly just giving him a hard time. She was tired of being angry with him, for what happened, of what followed. Years of pain buried under years of rage, burned out and simply tired now. To tired to resist old habits of calling him that. Refusing to look to closely at the memories that went with it.

“You really should be sleeping.”Dean scowled lightly, rolling his at Sam a little, because he had a idea of where his brother’s conversation with his mate had gone. Unaware that the man on the other end had drawn a shocked emoji and a pair of earplugs, advising Sam he was going to need them. “So shut up and sleep.”

Bailey frowned at him, shifting back onto her pillows to get more comfortable, which just made Dean huff a little. Having every intent of leaving as soon as she could trust her legs to hold her. Meanwhile Sam silently laughed at his mate’s drawings and the existence of the nicknames, and curious at the existence.

“Here. If you’re going to stay up. Eat.”Dean scowled as he got up, and moved over to the fridge, grabbing Sam’s lunch and handing it to her. “John’s dead by the way.....”Dean said unaware of Sam’s mate drawing a wolf and fox fighting on one arm, and a wolf and fox ending up humping on the other, a perfect description really, which just made Sam smile from behind his computer as he listened to the other two.

Bailey frowned, not protesting the food as her stomach growled. “I know. I heard. I’m sorry.”She said. As abusive as he was, she knew Dean loved him.

“He was worse....after you left.”Dean muttered, “I just...didn’t know....one of the few things I ever really regretted, was not leaving with you.”He admitted looking as calm as he ever did, but his eyes held all the pain he’d never shown because he couldn’t hide from her. Never from her, even when he wanted to.

“....Sorry.”She shuddered a little at the idea, looking away, not able to handle the pain in that look as she finished the food, standing up carefully. 

“hey. No. Sit.”Sam said looking concerned.

Dean tilted his head a little, but waved Sam off, he wasn’t to worried about her getting to far, she was to weak and exhausted to make it to the car, much less drive.

Bailey frowned a little as she swayed on her feet, ignoring Sam as the man watched her go, leaning against the door for a long moment before stubbornly weaving her way out to the car. Staring at Baby for a long moment, caugt in a memory of the last time she’d seen the car. Of tangled limbs and cool metal. Trembling a little as she turned away from the impala. Not even mustering up a annoyed growl as she collapsed into the driver’s seat, well aware Dean had followed her out.

“Can I give her a look over? You can’t have had much time to give her the care she needs if you’ve been running around.”Dean said smiling ever so charmingly at her, moving closer to the door, wincing a little as he backed up a step when he saw the look on her face, as she considered cold cocking him with the door for a moment.

“....About as much time as you’ve spent under baby’s hood....is that a oil stain I see under her?”Bailey growled before sighing, she’d always been a sucker for him working on cars. “But if you want, go ahead.”

“What?!”He shrieked a little before moving over to look under his car, before following the trail. “Not mine. Yours.”He laid down, shimmying under, “Easy fix though, oil line just has a puncture. I can fix that easily. You need a oil change to though, want me to do that before you leave?”He said crawling back out. “You’re darling have a name?She’s beautiful.”

“Dammit.”Bailey winced a little as she realized something was wrong with her car, “...Junior. She’s junior.”Bailey said as she shifted, curling up in the driver’s seat, to exhausted to resist old habits of curling up in the sat and watching him work when he wasn’t making her help.

“Yea, looks like someone actually cut it. Probably Lucifer, making sure you couldn’t leave town till he messed with you. Looks like she’s good other then that. You do good with her.”Dean said before smirking. “Junior’s a boy’s name.”

“Doesn’t have to be. It’s a girl’s name to.”Bailey made a face, snorting slightly at the sight of his hair already slicked in some places and sticking up in other’s with oil. There was a reason she called him oil slick. And there was no way she was ever going to admit to what the real name was.

“I’ve never met a girl named junior.”

“Shut up, Winchester.”Bailey muttered sleepily, already slipping away, to exhausted and trusting him to look after her to stay awake, listening to him as he started to tell her about the last few years, and everything that had been going on as he worked. Soothed by his voice, by the knowledge she wasn’t alone.


	6. I want to push you away, I want you to stay

“ _I’m graduating at the end of the month_ ’ Sam stared as the words started across his hand, this was the first time that the other had ever mentioned a date. A end. Meaning that he probably wanted Sam there. “ _Do you think if I listed the address, it would show up? I was hoping you’d be free to come._ "

Sam bit his lip as he twirled his pen around his fingers, before sighing softly. “ _I...I don’t know. It might come up. Try and I’ll try and come. If I’m free._ ”

“ _It’s okay if you can’t make it. I’d just really like to have you here. But I have to go, class let out. Here’s the address. If you can come._ ” There was a comma and a period after a long space, which was a indication of a address completely failing to appear. That often happened when the person on the other end forgot themselves and mentioned family, or themselves by name. _“Did it work?_ ”

“ _I’ll try to make it....and no, it didn’t._ ”

_“That’s okay. I can’t think of any other way to get in contact with you...trading phone numbers didn’t work. Names don’t, and addresses either. How the hell are we supposed to find each other with nothing to go on?It’s not fair!_ "There was a few minutes pause as the words disappeared again, and Sam knew the other was scrubbing them off. _“I’ll talk to you later, I need ice cream and netflix.”_

_“Dammit, I don’t know. We’ll figure it out._ ”Sam sighed softly, before nodding even if the other couldn’t see. “ _Kay. Later, if it makes you feel better, mine found his by accident, and he’d already slept with her. So maybe we’ll be lucky accidents to.”_

Instead of writing a answer, his partner made a laughing face and two stick figures having sex on the hood of a car. “ _See you soon, I hope.”_

* * *

Bailey stirred frowning a little as she heard her phone going off, simply listening to the ring tone for a long moment before answering. “Hello?....yea. I know how they are.....sorta sitting five feet from Baby. They’re alive. And no, I didn’t kill him....shut up.”

Dean frowned a little as he slid out from under the car to look up at the feet sticking out the window, all he could see of Bailey with the door closed, watching her intently. There was only one person he knew who would be asking after their health. Ellen and Jo would just call them, Lisa to. Only Bobby would be checking on them in this super roundabout way. Bobby was also the only person likely to know that Bailey was Dean’s soul mate. Dammit.

 

“Yes. Well...I promise, I haven’t even injured him. Or baby....Shut up. Hold on.”Bailey sighed, sounding tired as she held her phone out the window. “Say hello, Oil Slick, so he can stop thinking I killed you and stole the car.”

Dean smiled slightly as he took the phone from her, wondering how much Bobby knew. Did he know about Bailey being his mate? Did he know about the alcohol, the pills? Bobby seemed to know everything, so how much did he have to cover his ass? “What’s up man? We’re not dead...again if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“it’s been 3 months. Got worried enough to track down Bailey’s ass to make sure she hadn’t gotten tagged, you idjit.”Well, at least that Bobby knew one secret, even if he wasn’t going to tell her. “And don’t worry, I wont tell her. Just....whatever you three are up to, be careful. And call if you need help.”Though you could hear the small smile in his voice at the sound of Bailey going back to sleep, if the small light snoring was any indication.

“well, I was busy. Sam was supposed to call, I never remember....you could call us you know. Everyone else does. And she did get tagged.”Dean sighed softly, before explaining how they’d found her. “She’s hurt pretty bad. Keeping her here for a few days is going to be hell.”

“Well, it seems you’re both are forgetful.”He said gruffly, frowning at the phone. He usually didn’t call them because he was afraid he’d turn their attention away from a bigger hunt, messing with their focus. Bailey he worried about it to, but she usualy called him more then the boys, usually every other day, so he knew when it was safe to call usually. “Son of a bitch.”

“I was sure he’d never know about her....I thought if she never knew....if it was...if her hands remained blank no one could find her.”Not the whole truth, but in later years, when he’d thought about going to find her instead of picking up the knife again, he knew he would only be bringing John’s wrath to whoever the girl turned out to be. Later, from Lucifer and Michael. He had torn himself apart, trying to save his soul mate from himself, who killed anyone he loved, hurt them, drove them away and ruined their lives. To find out it was Bailey, the one person he had ever truly loved deeper then his fear of John had run....he knew he’d pick up the knife for the first time in years, because there was no high, no way to get drunk enough to fix this. 

“She’s a hunter dean.”Bobby said, moving away from the emotional because he knew Dean would want to, focusing on what they needed to do. “If you want her to stay, make it a hunt she can’t go on. Even if it means putting up with you.”The fact that Bobby had mentioned that it was going to be Dean who bothered her the most, meant Bailey wasn’t nearly as cold or recovered from what had happened between them as she pretended.

“I told her everything that’s been happening. She wont want to leave the world saving to men.”

“No, probably not. Good luck.”Bobby said as he hung up.

* * *

“Dean?”Bailey stirred when she heard the sound of the hood slamming down, blinking slowly as she looked up at him, looking so much younger now that she was angry and hiding. Frowning a little when she saw just how dark it’d gotten out. She’d been out for hours. Which meant he was right, she was in no condition to leave.

“Morning Sleepyhead.”Dean said smiling a little as he used a rag to wipe fingerprints off Junior, there was grease, oil, and bits of rust all over him. “She’s all fixed up. You ready for dinner? Sam ordered pizza. I hope you still like sausage?”Dean sighed, looking at her.“...Look. I know you hate me. Can’t really blame you. I h...I’d hate me to.”Dean paused near the door, covering the slip. She didn’t need to know he hated himself. “Stay and rest for a few days. You can’t hunt in this condition.”

“Not morning, oil slick.”She said making a face at the growing darkness, looking him over. For a brief moment, ten years worth of pain flickered through her eyes before nodding, looking away from him. As much as she liked him like this, sweaty, messy and looking like he should be joined in a shared shower, she didn’t want to go there. Couldn’t go there. Not again. “Thanks. Good to know my car’s okay.”She said frowning a little. “Yes, I do.”

“No?And here I was thinking you were nocturnal.”He teased with a chuckle, before grimacing. “I guess I deserved that...”He said before sighing a little. 

“Not as much as I used to be. Seems not having to avoid a Winchester in a drunken rage is good for sleeping habits.”Bailey muttered before wincing herself. “Meant I still liked sausage, not...”She said stopping in front of the hotel door, looking up at him. That was probably as close to admitting that despite everything, she didn’t hate him. At least, not for herself. She hated him for the choices, and because he’d left her alone, with no one. At a loss and having nothing to hold onto in a world that had gone insane. 

“You know I never....I would have gone with you. If you’d still been around the next day...if you had been there in the morning...I would have gone with you.”Dean admitted, looking down at her. “

Bailey looked up at him, searching his face, before sighing,frowning. “Sometimes you realize things to late.”She muttered.

“I didn’t know any better back then.”Dean said vaguely amused that she hadn’t done the easy thing, bolting into the room to avoid this conversation when it was obvious she didn’t want to have it. “When you live with someone who makes you feel like dirt, after awhile you believe it. And when that happens, even at 18, you believe people would be better off without you....I believed that for years before you came into my life, and I believed it for years after. It’s not a excuse really....I just...out of everyone I think you, deserve to know. Not because I want you to feel sorry for me, but because you’re probably the only person who had a chance to drag me away....and I turned you away because I was a scared, selfish little boy who didn’t know I was walking away into worse. Because I wanted you to know it wasn’t your fault.”

“....I know. It took years to figure it out, but I know.”Bailey said quietly, avoiding his eyes, she so didn’t want to have this conversation. This hurt, because she should have talked to him years ago, but hadn’t been able to stomach the idea until a few years ago, and by then...it was to late. “I’m sorry....I am. For everything that happened after.”She muttered thinking, and sorry for so much more then he knew. “but at least you had sam. And you two are talking again. Family helps.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”He assured her, tilting his head. “And it wasn’t mine either. It took me a long time to understand that. That it wasn’t my fault. That I couldn’t control what John did and what he’d done to me...what he said. They weren’t my fault.....it took a long time and honestly?I only realized it because I started treating Sammy the same way....I realized it wasn’t sam’s fault I was acting like that, so it couldn’t be my fault either that john had....it helped.”

“No, it wasn’t us.”She said shying away from the memories there, and it had taken her years to know that. “and good. At least you didn’t mess things up with Sam. You two are good together.”Even she could see that, the small amount of time she’d spent with them.

“I forced him out...because John was getting worse...he was starting to...hurt him. So I took the blame, made him run off. I don’t think he ever forgave me for that....”

“Ah, I’d wondered how he’d ended up at college.”

“I made him leave. Screamed at him for hours, and said the foulest things I could think of because John was....I couldn’t stand the idea of him doing what he did to me, to sam. I hadn’t....I hadn’t realized until long after you were gone, I hadn’t protected you as well as I thought I had....I did try...I just...didn’t know. Didn’t understand there was much worse ways to hurt a person then just hitting them.”

Bailey was quiet for a long moment, before bumping her shoulder against his. “I survived. He made sure I would. So it’s....not okay but...”Not sure what he was talking about, or why he would consider it his duty to protect her, but simply glad they were talking. She was going to simply enjoy the few days she had with him, before she had to leave him.

“It’s never okay. What he did. Never....but for what it’s worth, I’m glad to see you.”Dean said smiling at her as he opened the door. “Hey Cas. You feeling better?”Dean asked as he followed her Bailey in, tilting his head a little. “Sp...Bailey. This is Castiel, a angel of the lord. He’s been traveling with us for awhile. Cas, this is bailey.”Dean said grinning when he saw the pizza on the table.

“Yes I am.”Cas said before studying Bailey, getting up and pushing her gently into a chair. Fussing over her. She was Dean’s, which meant Cas had to look after her. 

“Angel?”

“Yes.”Cas smiled looking at the woman.

“Hello.”She said almost shyly, at a loss. 

“The pizza man delivered the pizza. Now sit, and eat.”Cas said waving them towards the food, simply treating her like he did Sam and Dean, hoping to make her feel comfortable. Pleased when she started to eat.

“Yes he did. What did you think he was going to do, cas? Strip naked and attack Sam? That only happens in the movies remember? We talked about this.”

“Yes, I know, but it should happen in real life. Sam says your life is like a porno sometimes.”Cas said so blandly it took Dean about a minute to realize Cas was purposefully yanking his chain as he started to eat.

Dean scowled at his friend, rolling his eyes, opening his mouth to say something before,“....There’s only two beds.”Dean paused mid bite, staring.

“Yes, there is. You and Bailey can have a bed, and I’ll share with Cas.”Sam said silently smirking even if the angel wouldn’t sleep, it was amusing him to make his brother stay in a bed with her. In theory anyways.

“Uh, yea, no, not. Cas can share with Bailey. He’s a angel so he’ll control himself, if he does lay down.”Dean said before smirking at Sam. “You and me will share, sammy, and if you argue, I will break you.”

“okay.”sam said rolling his eyes a little. 

Cas smiled a little listening to the brothers talk, before reaching out, gently taking the pizza away from the woman who was falling asleep while putting it in her mouth, sighing softly. She might have slept most of the day, but she was still recovering. Smiling slightly when he picked her up, ignoring the grumpy annoyed protests that said she was fine.

“Don’t fight it sparkplug. He’s a angel. He always wins, and if I have to put up with it, so do you.”Dean said smirking a little as he watched the two, she was adorable. Not that he’d ever tell her that, probably. She’d heat his head in. Watching her fall asleep before heading back over to her hotel room, gathering the rest of her things. But mostly, pausing there just long enough to write on his palm, a small ‘I’m glad you’re okay’, then nothing else. He didn’t want her talking to him, not while she was with him.

Sighing softly as he stepped back into the room, rubbing a hand over his face as he watched Sam settle in bed himself, settling in to rest and sleep. Trying not to worry to much as he closed his eyes, simply resting until finally, sleep claimed him.


	7. Never quite Eden, but not quite yet wild

Sam snorted quietly as he glanced across the room at the two snuggled up together under the covers, book propped on his knees. Pausing as he considered his brother, sighing softly as he shook his head as he saw his brother moving slightly. Of course Dean would wake up humping the person in bed with him. Sometimes, sharing a room with his brother was just a pain. Reaching for his pen he doodled a fox and wolf humping and sleepy zzz’s trailing off across his hand.

The picture that appeared after that wasn’t nearly as perfect as normal. It took longer to. The delay making Sam frown slightly as he focused on his hand, rather then the motion doing on the bed next to him. Studying the laughing face and camera, the lines that weren’t as straight as normal, and looked wobbly. Imperfect, and something the other wasn’t prone to. Those images were soon followed by a paintbrush and a hanky, the paintbrush how he identified himself, claiming he wasn’t feeling well.

Sam frowned as he considered his hand, sighing as he considered how he could make the other feel better. Sometimes, he really hated this. Not knowing who it was, not able to help him. Shaking his head, he decided if he couldn’t help his mate, he could at least stop Dean from dying from humping his mate. Flicking a eraser at Dean’s head he snickered as he pinged it off the elder Winchester’s ear, “wake up.”

Dean snapped awake, yelping as he realized who he was holding, and actually let out a quiet scream as he dropped off the side of the bed as he scrambled away as fast as he could. “Sam!”

Sam snickered quietly as he turned off the phone he’d been using to take a picture, wincing a little as Bailey startled awake, knife flashing out as she looked around, not quite awake, but definitely ready to defend herself. 

“what?”Sam said looking at Dean with wide eyed innocence as Dean glared at him over the edge of the bed as Bailey groaned, collapsing back into the bed, not quite ready to be up yet. She was always so grumpy and lazy first thing in the morning.

“Dammit Sam, do you want me to get my balls whacked off? What the fuck is wrong with you?I hate you”Dean scowled as he flipped his brother off, even as he snorted slightly at the sight of Bailey going back to sleep.

“Nope. I’m not the one who switched beds. I figured I better wake you up though before she did.”Sam said looking to amused for his own good as he looked down at his hand, his amusement growing as he watched the stick figures fighting, kissing, beating up each other, and finally ending up in sex, with arrows making it a constant cycle picture. Wincing a little at the sudden bright red that splashed over his hand, deleting the pictures, though if he looked closely he could see it. Probably had some inspiration and rushed off to do the painting.

“Yea, because I must have gotten up in the night and switched beds on my own!”Dean snarled sarcastically.  
“You did. Sorta woke Cas up and demanded he switch.”

“I’m very sure I didn’t do that.”Dean scoffed as he stomped off to the bathroom, but not fully sure anymore. Sometimes he did weird things when he was high, he might have done it, but he didn’t remember so he was claiming that Sam was a shit of the highest order.

* * *

“Morning....”Bailey muttered tiredly as she stirred, stretching when she saw the man walking out of the bathroom, more awake now. 

“Morning.”Dean said as he stepped out of the bathroom, tilting his head a little as he looked her over. “You feel any better? Let Cas look at your wounds when he comes back okay? I can’t do internal, but Cas is pretty good at it.”He admitted before checking his phone, glad to see he had no messages for the moment. 

“Yea. Less tired.”Bailey said heading for the shower.

“I’m going to check around town. Want to make sure the hellhounds and demons are gone before we move on. We certainly don’t want to stick around here for to long with Lucifer knowing we were here.”

“Sounds good. Want company?”Sam asked even as he pulled on his boots, heading for the door. Not bothering to wait for a answer, when he knew Dean would probably protest it.

“Well, since you’re already out the door, I guess I do want some company.”Dean snarked with a small smile as he headed out. 

 

“It’s polite to ask, even if you don’t really get a choice.”

“Cause you’re always hung up on being polite.”Dean said rolling his eyes a little. While hunting hellhounds weren’t completely easy, there was some signs when they were close, he’d just have to look. Glad that after a few trips around the town proper, there was no sign of them.

Startling a little when his phone went off, Dean frowned at it for a moment before sighing. “Hey Ellen....a job?Sure we could use a easy one.....College student was bitten?Did I seriously hear you say that right? Yea...okay....yea I’ve got a pen and paper.”Dean said as he parked the car, digging for a moment through the jackets many pockets before getting the pen and pad of paper and writing it down. “Said he’d had the sensation of being followed for a few days, and it got really bad in the last few hours? Sounds like somethings wanting a bit of revenge.....really?Old friend of yours. Yea, we’ll check it out.”Dean promised as he hung up, before looking at sam as the younger watched him.

“Some college yuck is being haunted by some specter. His daddy was a retired hunter so he knew to call Ellen. Says whatever’s been stalking him actually bit him. Nasty to, drew blood and everything from what Ellen said. You up for a easier mission?”He asked waving the paper around, and it was a address that would make almost anyone green with envy. New Haven, Connecticut. 

“Yea....I think we could all use a easier hunt right now. Especially since there’s no way we can leave Bailey somewhere....”Sam said before trailing off as he looked at the address. Sadness and jealousy in that look. While he enjoyed what he did, despite the hardships that went with it, he missed school. “Let’s go...”

“True....and we certainly don’t have any clues where Lucy or Mikey have gone to ground.”Dean muttered frowning a little, calling them that cause he knew it’d piss them off if they heard it. “Wonder if Crowley’s every going to show up?”He amused out loud before staring at his brother. “You know....you could go back. To school, I mean. I wouldn’t stop you. Hell I might even encourage you. I could always hook up with Bobby,...”

“I’m sure Crowley has his own problems with Lucifer being free. If he needs help, we’d hear about it.”Sam pointed out before frowning a little. “Maybe...when this is over. Or you and Bailey start hunting together....or I meet my college boy....I....maybe.”Sam muttered frowning.

“Yea, probably. It would be nice to have a bit of backup, but Crowley definitely needs to stay more focused...he’ll get us if he needs help.”Dean muttered. “You’ll meet him. Maybe he’ll be at yale.”Dean sighed a little, “You know, I never paid much attention to it, but how exactly do you know when you’re with your soul mate? Like, do you just guess or maybe when he sees that your hands are blue and covered in purple hearts?”Dean teased his brother a little, frowning at the red paint. “He doesn’t usually use red, does he?”

“Let him worry about hell, we’ll take the care of the rest.”Sam said making a face, because he didn’t exactly like Crowley, but he understood the man, and while he didn’t trust him, he was better then Lucifer. Better the devil you know.“Maybe I will....and well...do you feel different around Bailey? I just...assumed I’d know, I guess. I don’t know.”Sam frowned slightly, because it was usually different for each couple, how they found each other. “No, but he might be working on something new.”Sam said, not worried about the sight of red just yet. It wasn’t like his life, where red wash usually meant something horrible.

Dean chuckled softly because he knew Sam didn’t much like Crowley. Dean did though, the damned demon had gone a long way to help undo the...conditioning that John Winchester had put him through. Crowley had sat with him at night as he screamed, cried, and shuddered. And while he wasn’t exactly kind, he had gotten him through it. Made him say over and over again, it wasn’t his fault. Crowley had pieced together a broken Winchester.Frowning a little as he focused on his brother again. For once, settling in for the chick flick moment, and enjoying talking to him.

“Well....I guess I do. Kind of? But I’m not sure how much that is real, and how much is in my head, you know?”He said before shrugging a little. “Ask him when we get closer if he’s at Yale. You should be able to write it if you’re not the one living there. Or go to the big art gallery and tell him about a couple of unique pieces you’re looking at or whatever. If he goes there, he’ll get the message and rush off to meet you.”

“I’ll try that. There’s plenty of things at yale that I could describe he could go to if he was near.”Sam muttered smiling a little at his brother as he climbed out of the car, heading for the hotel room.

* * *

“Where are we going?”Bailey said looking up at them when she saw the two walking in looking so serious, things already packed and ready to go.

“Connecticut. Yale if you can believe it. Some rich bitch is being stalked by a ghost that bites. We’re taking it as a favor to Ellen. Kid’s dad was a friend of hers, and a hunter. And it’s completely on the other end of the country. According to google, if we make no stops, it’ll take us forty five hours, so at minimum three or four days.”Dean said having checked on his way in. “Since you’re in no shape to drive, we’ll have to stop for nights so it might be a week or more, cause cas is NOT getting behind the wheel ever again.”

“Huh. Long haul.”Bailey muttered wincing a little at the idea of driving that far, mostly because she had hated being a passenger instead of the driver. “Well, I think we could all use the easy hunt.”She added, as close as she’d ever admit to still needing time to recover. “I can drive. Even if Cas doesn’t drive, we can do it.”She whined a little, protesting because she didn’t want to be stuck in a car with Dean, and she was fairly certain he was going to insist on driving for her, if only to make sure she really rested and didn’t bully Sam into letting her drive.

“I can drive.”Cas sulked a little as he stepped out of the bathroom, rolling his eyes a little.

“You’re in no shape to drive. You’d fall asleep at the wheel and we’ll crash and die. We’re going to load the car, and you’re going to sleep in the backseat, no fuss.”Dean ordered tapping the woman lightly on the nose, not even surprised when she tried biting him.

“Would not. It’s your driving people should worry about. You use speed limits as suggestions for what speed to go....which are for other people.”Bailey growled a little as she stomped out of the room with her bags.

“Careful, I bite back.”Dean growled watching her go.

“Well, this is going to be fun. I’m sad I’m not going to be in the car with you two.”Sam snickered a little as he took the impala’s keys and gathered their bags. Not even surprised to find Bailey in the front seat of the mustang, definitely not sleeping as she drew on her arms as she waited for the rest of them. Not even a bit surprised by the amount of profanity being spelled out either. Bailey and Dean were well matched.

“Well, we could always leave junior here but I’m pretty sure Bailey would murder you for the suggestion.”Dean paused thinking about it. “Hell, I’d murder you for the suggestion and it’s not even my car.”Dean added before looking at Bailey. “You have a filthy mouth and I know you didn’t get that from me.”

“,....I would. It’s bad enough I have to let jackass drive her, I’m not leaving her here.”Bailey growled from the front seat, rolling her eyes as she listened to the boys tossing their stuff into the car. :I dunno, I’m sure you’ve inspired a lot of women to curse over the years.”

“I wasn’t going to. I know better then that.” Sam promised as he slid into the car, knowing they’d talk when they were ready to stop for the night.

Dean rolled his eyes a little as he settled into the driver’s seat, backing out before he glanced at the woman next to him. Vaguely amused at the sight of ‘The jackass is driving my baby. He’s touching things.’ which included a doddle of a walking dick sitting behind the wheel. Bailey was definitely not happy with not driving her car as he carefully backed out of the parking lot. Glancing at his own hands for a moment he was glad that he was wearing his normal long sleeves, but if she started on her hands, he was so screwed. He had to distract her, and soon.

“He still wont write back to you?”He finally asked, glancing at her, refusing to laugh at all the complaining, she was writing about him, to him. She was not going to be amused when she eventually found out. He had no delusions she’d eventually find out, but he was going to put it off as long as he could. “Mine never responded. Not once...”Full on, blatant lie. “I used to try, but by the time you showed up I’d given up on trying to get her attention. I’ve still never so much as gotten a drop of anything from her. Not even food dye or blood or anything....so I tried my damnedest to move on. I did everything I could think of but I guess whatever fate is in for me, it’s sure as hell not happiness.”

“....no. Though he did ask me if I was okay...and I would be. If you’d stop manhandling my car. Be gentle!”Bailey scowled wincing a little at the steady purr of the engine, she so wanted junior to act up with him driving, if only she could kick him out. Frowning at his words. “That sucks...I’m sorry.”She said before shifting, setting the pen down, for the moment done complaining, even if she was still sulking. “Well, she could just not be born yet. You could just be 29 years older then her.”bailey said shifting, settling back into her seat better. Deciding if he was going to make her rest, she might as well get comfortable. It was a good thing she was small and petite, made it easier to curl up and rest, so much easier then it was for dean and sam anyways.

“Well, that’s good. At least they care. They probably don’t think they’re the sort of person to settle down with. Probably hoping you’ll move on. If I was someone’s soul mate, I’d want them to be happy. So I’d probably do the same thing.”He said before cringing violently at the idea of someone being to young to respond because they were to young to write. Even knowing she was wrong, that was a disturbing thought. “More likely she died when I was a baby, or she died before being born.”

That happened sometimes. A mother got a abortion, miscarried and the other half of a soul bond had to live the rest of their life alone, or at least not with the person meant for them. “Just get some sleep, Sparkplug. We have plenty of time for you to snark at me.”

“Probably...maybe. Though the idiot didn’t talk to me for years before that, so whatever.”She muttered snickering at his reaction. That had been so much better then what she’d expected. “....Whatever.”She said as she settled in for a nap, content for the moment to relax and sleep. Trusting him to get her where ever they were going.


	8. Cause we never really had our closure

“...Seriously? A diner?”Dean demanded a little, sounding slightly put out as he climbed out of the car. Even he could get tired of greasy food from a roadside diner. Oh well, he could tear apart some pancakes and pretend he’d eaten in the car to hide his lack of appetite.

“Yes, a diner. I even checked, they have pie.”Sam said smiling a little waiting because he’d pulled in a few minutes before the others, sighing softly as they headed inside. Finding a table he rubbed a hand over his face.

“Yay, pie.”Dean agreed, though he didn’t look exactly enthused by the idea. “I literally just ate, but I’ll stuff my face with something.”he decided.

“You eat at diners all the time. It’s amazing you haven’t had a heart attack yet.”Bailey reminded Dean, figuring some things just didn’t change.

“It’s probably Cas’ healing touch that kept that from happening.”Sam snickered as he dug into his salad and fries when they were given to them, starving.

“I eat just fine.”Dean said rolling his eyes a little at the other three, picking at his pancakes when they were delivered. Sam and Cas wouldn’t say anything about it, having grown used to Dean’s lies and off behavior quirks slowly over time, it had been a gradual change. “We holing up in a hotel tonight, or sleeping in the car?”

“Motel’s down the street. We’ll stay for the night, get some good sleep before we leave.”Cas said frowning a little as he considered his friend.

“We could use the sleep....if we have to stop, we might as well stay in a hotel.”Bailey said even if she wanted to say they could keep driving, it was probably better to get some real rest if they were going on a hunt.

“Yea, I guess.”Dean sighed a little as he settled in to eat.

* * *

“....You’re not sick are you?I mean, like world ending sick?”Bailey asked as they crossed the street to the hotel, frowning at him. She so didn’t want to worry about him, not when she knew he was angry with her, and disgusted just as much. She so didn’t want to care, and yet she did.

 

“What?”Dean paused, looking at Bailey as if she was insane as he studied her. Before shaking her head. “No. I don’t think so. It’s just stress.”Dean admitted, never mind that he was sweating despite the cool air.

“You didn’t eat pie. That’s like a life threatening problem.”Bailey said as she watched Sam rounding the corner of the hotel with a key. Heading towards him as she considered him.

 

“I just haven’t had much a appetite lately. Like I said, stress.Dean said, frowning at the woman for a long moment, ignoring Cas and Sam as they moved into the room, he shook his head as he headed for the shower. Ignoring the eyes he could feel on his back, or Bailey’s concerned look he could feel burning into his head. Knowing she wanted to argue, but not having the words.

When he came back out, he looked wide awake, and much less aggravated and annoyed with the world as a whole. No one would notice because of the long sleeves, but he had bandages up his arms, tiny dots of red leaking through the bright white. He couldn’t get any higher then he was, and he didn’t drink to get drunk while on a active hunt, so this was the next best thing, at least not until he had to sleep. Pausing as he considered the three in the room. Cas, reading what looked like a trashy romance novel-a guilty pleasure Dean would never admit to being the one to introduce him to. Sam, reading a college textbook on psychology. Last, Bailey, who was flipping through the TV channels, though he knew she’d stop when she found Dr. Sexy. 

“I’m going to go check over the engines one last time before heading to bed.”

“....Make sure you get some sleep to. Otherwise Bailey’ll be driving tomorrow.”Sam pointed out, looking up at him, but figuring he just didn’t want to be trapped longer then he had to be with Bailey.

“I’ll get all the sleep I need.”Dean promised as he headed out to the cars, knowing it was a lie. He was going to crash hard after this, but he’d drink himself into a sodden mess and no one would think anything of it. Settling into the car he sighed softly as he started to poke around the mustang, looking for anything he could use against Bailey. Anything that would promise that if she knew he knew, she’d never want to see him again.

Of course, he was actually stunned when he found something. Frowning as he picked up the faded butterflies wallet, that she’d had as long as he’d known her, picking it up and opening it. Frowning when he saw the picture falling out into his stunned fingers. 

Staring at the picture of Bailey, looking just a few years older then she’d been when she’d left him....with a child in her arms, a child that looked about 2 or 3. A child with Bailey’s sharp cheekbones, narrow nose, but a slightly to square jaw, hair that was edging that line between blond and brown....bright green eyes. One that for a moment, he didn’t understand what he was seeing, but looked to much like him to be a coincidence.

How could she....she _dared_ to hunt when a child needed her? Their child? How could she not tell him? How could he not know? How could...how could she have kept this from him? If he’d known, he never, ever would have left her alone. Never. Even back then, the hope for a family would have won over whatever John would have done to him for leaving. He couldn’t take it anymore.

Curling up in the driver’s seat, the high from the adderall easing the way for tears, weeping for everything he had lost. And for the child he didn’t know. Well, he’d be changing that damned fast. She couldn’t keep him away from his child....but...no. He was to dangerous. If Lucifer and Michael ever found out....he couldn’t protect Bailey, much less a child. What kind of father would he be? 

A hunter?A drunk?A cutter, and a addict. A fucked up worthless bastard who’d already proven with Lisa and Ben that he couldn’t get it together enough to be a father. She was right to keep this child from him, and that only made the knowledge, the pain worse. 

It felt like forever before he crawled out of the car and back into the motel room, feeling dead and drained. How could he keep going after this? How could he face existence knowing that his soul mate hated him so much, she never even told them they had a child? A girl? A sweetheart named Justice....a beautiful name, for a beautiful child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay guys, I couldn't help it. the name....the girl's name. I just couldn't pass up using it. lol


	9. Desperate for changing, starving for truth

Bailey sighed quietly as she rested her head against the cool glass, closing her eyes half way as she shifted her attention to the man driving. Restless and agitated, a night worth of nightmares having made her unhappy to have the source of worst ones stuck in the car with her. Studying him, the pale skin, red rimmed eyes, and wondered what was thinking so hard on. Simply watching him, because she was used to Dean Winchester’s foul moods, even if it’d been years since she had practice. She’d just have to ride it out, and eventually he’d either choke on it, or spit it out. 

“Where you ever going to tell me?”Dean growled roughly, glancing over at Bailey as she startled a little. “I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t....but didn’t I have the right to know? I think I deserved to know, even if I never got to see her. I could have at least helped pay for school or food or clothes....if there was one thing that would have made me leave, it would have been knowing I was a father....”Dean watched her for a long moment, before looking back out at the road. 

Bailey stared at him,uncomprehending for a moment, pain tightening her features as she turned to stare out the window, not able to hide that much pain, and not wanting it to show. “Yes....you did deserve to know. Those first few years though....I...I was messed up, Dean. Barely surviving one day to the next....she was all I had...and I thought....I thought you’d take her from me. I was scared....Not a good excuse, but it’s all I have.”She said swallowing thickly.

“:But you still hadn’t told me...not even now.”Dean said, sounding bitter, angry and ashamed, hating himself, hating her, so confused and not knowing how to feel. “I don’t think I could have. Not living the life I live.”He said before looking over again.“Where is she, anyways, while you’re off hunting? With bobby?”

Bailey swallowed thickly, closing her eyes. She could talk to him about this. She could. He deserved to know, but even thinking the words had her stomach rolling. “Pull over, now. Over.”She ordered barely waiting for the mustang to stop before she stumbled out of the car to throw up.

“bailey?Bays?”Dean called as he looked at the open door before frowning. “Jesus, are you sick?”He asked, wondering if it was a infection?A demon virus? Something bad and dangerous. Wincing a little as he got out of the car and grabbed a water bottle out of the small cooler Sam had gotten for them, soaking the handkerchief half in water before walking around the car. Crouching down in front of her, watching her.

Bailey shuddered, not looking at him as she rested against the side of the car, resting her cheek against the cool metal, guilt tangling her up. There was a good reason to not tell him, even if he hated her for it. “I retired for Justice.”She trembled hard as she closed her eyes again. Shifting a little as she felt him gently wiping her face, for the moment, allowing herself the weakness of depending on him. Not moving, not ready yet. “Physically, yea, I’m fine. Your angel fixed me.”

Dean frowned shaking his head a little. If she’d retired for Justice then what the hell was she doing hunting now? There were to many different reasons. Kidnapped, sick, attacked, missing, de....he couldn’t even finish the thought. “You’re not fine at all. Please....Bailey. I, of all people, deserve to know don’t I? My....our daughter, she was hurt?”Dean said gently, softly, shifting to pull her into a hug, pressing a absent kiss to blond hair, gently holding her, as if afraid she was going to break. “Please...I have to know. I swear, I’ll do everything I can to help you. I wont try to take her away, I have to know. Who, or what, do I have to slaughter for hurting our daughter?”He growled.

For that was the only reason he could think she’d resume hunting. Something had hurt Justice somehow and she was looking for revenge....a crossroads demon? It was a years worth of work that was sitting in the back of her car, but why would a crossroads hurt a child? Or maybe....maybe Bailey was looking for a crossroads demon to save her? Holding onto the woman in his arms, as his thoughts circled, grew more tangled.

“Yes...shes gone....”Bailey trailed off, trembling, wide pained eyes meeting his, to panicked, to pale, even not with the blood loss, was this a healthy pale. “No one...werewolf’s already dead...it’s already done.”She shifted, resting her head against his chest, not wanting to tell him what she knew, what she suspected. It would break him. “...5 years now.”She trembled so hard she nearly fell, falling into him. looking up when she heard the roar of the impala coming back, struggling to pull away from him. Not wanting to see the look of disgust and rage on his face. She couldn’t handle it, not now. Not when the wounds felt fresh despite being years old.

‘Shit....It’s...I’m so sorry. Oh Bays...I’m sorry.”Dean muttered, holding her tightly, ignoring her struggles as he met Sam’s eyes as his brother stopped next to them, jerking his head a little. Telling them to move on before ducking his head, folding the smaller girl in his arms, holding onto her, ignoring Sam’s worried look as he left again.“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.”He said, no wonder she hated him so much. It was his fault. “It’s all my fault....I never should have...I never...I never should have gone back.”

Yea me to....she was so small, Dean. It not like turning her helped them...She was my little girl. All I had...I didn’t...”she growled, struggling to get away when she realized he had her trapped, not even realizing what she’d admitted to. That the wolves hadn’t killed her. That they’d forced a mother to make the choice, and kill her own child. Her precious little girl, a monster. A monster she couldn’t save. “It’s not your fault...it’s mine. I didn’t protect her well enough. Not your fault when you didn’t know...now she’s gone...been gone...and I can never take back not telling you.”

“I’m sorry...I’m so sorry they made you do that...that they took her from you. Oh bailey, I’m so sorry.”Dean muttered shifting, moving to sit and pulling her into his lap leaning back against the car. “It’s not your fault. You weren’t a hunter. How could you think they would do something so cruel?”He wondered, stroking her hair softly. “It’s okay. Let it out.”he muttered as he felt the tears soaking his neck and shirt. “I’ve got you. I’m here. I wont let you go again...its okay to be upset. To be furious...just let it out...”

Bailey shuddered, not fighting him as he moved her into his lap, simply curling up against him, to upset to fight. To guilt ridden at knowing she could never change what she’d done. “I was a hunter, retired, but...I should...should have known. Even staying out of the fight when they’d come to Lawrence....I should have....”

“A lot of hunters retire and never have any problems at all. You shouldn’t have expected them to take her.”He muttered looking down at her, scowling a little when she avoided looking at him, he hated seeing her like this. She looked so broken.”I’m sorry I shouldn’t have snooped....I shouldn’t have....I wanted to...I don’t know. I was having a nightmare, and wasn’t thinking clearly. I guess I thought I wanted some blackmail before you could turn on me. I did that to Sam once. Learned more about him then I ever wanted to know.”he said, hoping for a small smile, wanting to shift her focus for a moment.

“....I’m sure you did. Some things brothers just shouldn’t know about each other.”She gave a weak smile. 

“Seriously. Sam’s a pervert. Like, worse then me.”Dean said letting her go when she moved away from him.

”Doubt that.”Bailey muttered as she eased back into the car.”....There’s...a box of things. For you. At Bobby’s...I thought...you should have them, but he wasn’t to given them to you, unless I was killed. Because....someone should remember her. I never meant for you to find out....not now.”She trembled, staring at the dashboard as he climbed back into the car. “And you don’t get to be angry with Bobby....he didn’t know I was even pregnant, didn’t find out she existed until after she was gone....”

Dean scowled at her a little, frowning. Angry bobby had known before settling a little. Well, that hurt, but it made sense why Bobby hadn’t said anything. “A box of things?”He muttered.

“Yea....her toys....first shoes...a hair clipping...all the videos and pictures I had...I thought...I don’t know. That you should have them. If something happened. And bobby was the only person I knew, you’d always get in contact with eventually.”She said feeling to raw, to hurt to be trapped in a car with him, but knowing they needed to get going. Wanting away from him before the disgust showed through, and knowing it’d be worse now that he’d been so kind.

“I’ll....we have a base of sorts. I’ll take them there, so they can be safe.”he promised. “Only if you don’t want them yourself.”

“I...I can’t.”Bailey muttered and Dean understood why. The pain was still to deep. He’d make sure they were there for her when she wanted them back, but until then, they’d be safe. 

Dean frowned a little, pausing as he considered what she’d said. Not starting the car just yet, before looking over at him. He didn’t have a photographic memory, but he could remember with perfect clarity every hunt, every enemy, every name and face, location and details of his hunting life. For the most part, and something about this, tugged at him. “...You said Lawrence? When did she die? I’d....like to go on the date. Pay my respects.”He whispered, watching her. Feeling sick. “There’s a grave, right? It’s...it’s only right that I tell her I’m sorry for never being there for her. Or you.”

“Yea...I moved home. I thought...even if you weren’t there. Or raised there...it’s home. I wanted her to have a home, not like us, moving every week.”She muttered staring out the window, “July 4th, five years ago.”Looking so small and breakable curled up in the seat, Dean just wanted to hold her. “And there is. About 50 feet from your mother’s actually.”

“...July 4th...”Dean muttered to himself, swallowing thickly. “John knew. He was there. At least three days before then. He saw you, didn’t he? I know he did. He never told me....”Dean stopped, leaning forward, resting his forehead against the steering wheel, silently crying. There was no excuses, no more words for what John Winchester had kept from him. “...That’s a good place for her....Mother would have loved having a granddaughter.”

“I know she would have.”Bailey muttered, avoiding the question for a moment, before sighing quietly. Hanging her head as she resisted the urge to shove him out of the driver’s seat and go. Outrun the memories that were going to batter them both to pieces. “I know.... I mean. I figured he was when he stopped by the house on the 6th....I hadn’t known he was there till then...had stayed out of the hunt. I was retired, I didn't want to be involved...”Bailey muttered wincing a little at his words. Frowning slightly. Looking confused because John had said he’d told him. Maybe....maybe Dean was trying to make her feel better?

Swallowing hard as she shifted on the bench seat, resting her head against his shoulder, this time it was her turn to comfort him. “I’m sorry Dean....I had hoped to spare you this.”She muttered, it was bad enough she had to live with the knowledge, the suspicion of what John had been doing in Lawrence. Having known she denied him the chance to know Justice when she was alive, she hadn’t wanted to tell him the suspicion of her death.

“No...No I need to know this, Bailey.”he growled at her, turning to stare at her. “It’s my fault. John didn’t tell me, because he knew if I found out I had a daughter I would have left. I would have told you everything. I would have stopped him...stood up to him. I would have fought back. Gotten to Sammy and told him the truth...he...he killed my daughter.”Dean growled, rage melting away in a wash of grief. “My father murdered my daughter so I wouldn’t leave...it’s my fault....all my fault...”

“I didn’t....didn’t know for sure if you would....I should have....but I was messed up, Dean. I should have told you....but I....really shouldn’t have been left in charge of a gerbil after you left, much less Justice..”She swallowed thickly.

“I bet you were the perfect mother. This wasn’t about you, Bays. This was about me and him....He was sick, and I always knew it, but I thought I was protecting you and Sammy by taking it all on myself...I thought he’d leave you alone...both of you....I was so, so wrong.”he muttered sounding so broken.

“I’m sure I had my moments.”Bailey muttered because for her, she’d failed in such a major way, that she hadn’t been the mother Justice needed. But really, she’d done well till John had ruined everything. Justice had been safe, protected, loved, fed and clothed. She had been well cared for. “....I’m sorry....I’m so sorry....”

Dean flinched, leaning into her for a moment before pulling away. Staggering out of the car as he waved for Sam, knowing the man hadn’t continued on like ordered. Had stayed back to wait for them. Flagging him down and switching cars, letting Sam drive for Bailey, and letting Cas drive for him, so far gone he couldn’t function. He couldn’t do this.

Bailey watched the car in front of her as she saw the flair of tail lights, she curled up in the seat, ignoring the looks Sam was giving her, feeling utterly shattered as she watched the impala leaving her behind once again.


	10. Crashing, hit a wall

Bailey swallowed hard as she let herself into his hotel room, flinching a little with the knowledge that Dean hated her enough that he couldn’t even stand to spend the night in a hotel room with her. Pausing as she considered just how small he’d managed to curl up on the bed, she half wondered if all the alcohol he’d drank had allowed him to ignore the pain of curling up that much. Swaying a little herself, having downed enough alcohol that she probably gave Dean a run for his money on who was going to have the worse hangover in the morning.

“Dean?”Bailey muttered as she knelt on the edge of the bed, before squirming under the covers to get closer. Nudging him, trying to get him to uncurl enough she could curl up against him. To drunk, to hurt to care that she should be running in the other direction, or notice right away just how badly he was trembling.

“Daddy...No...”The words made Bailey freeze, staring at him. “No, daddy, no. please....Please don’t hurt Sammy....I don’t like this Daddy...”Dean pleaded even as he uncurled, opening himself to the violation, tiny whimpers, hitching sobs escaping in short bursts, thinking she was John in his drunk dreamscape.

“....”Bailey whined softly, sitting up drunk, but not that drunk. Looking utterly confused as she remembered the echo of words, “ _Call me daddy little slut. You don’t want me to get the strap again do you?That’s a good girl...now open those legs of yours....it’s all your good for..._ ” Dean had never called John ‘daddy’, not even when he was young. It had always been Dad, when he was in a good mood. Or Father. Most often, ‘Sir’. The only time John had encouraged ‘daddy’ was in bed. When he wanted to prove she had no business hunting, and that being flat on her back was all she was good for. 

“Dean?Dean!wake up. It’s bailey. It’s me, Dean. It’s Sparkplug.”She said moving away from him, shaking him lightly, frowning as she felt bandages under her hands. Pausing as she looked down, tugging the blanket away to look. Staring at the bandages that were wrapped wrist to elbow, staring at the blood soaked bandages for a long moment before wincing, realizing she had to get him up, now. “Dean!”

“No...no...I don’t like it...stop...please stop...”Dean pleaded, crying out in pain as her hands found his arms, curling up, the dream shifting, changing to one of the many beatings he’d taken. Making him jerk and beg for forgiveness and yell that he was sorry before gasping. Hands flashing out, shoving her away from him, knocking her to the ground roughly even as a knife flashed out in front of him. Roaring in rage as he lunged, not for her, but at the bed opposite him, sinking the blade into a pillow, feathers flying everywhere. The white softness making him pause and gulp for air. Looking around, trying to place where he was, and how he’d gotten there. “B....Bailey?”He asked sounding tortured and lost as he looked at the girl on the ground, “Where’s Da...Where’s my dad? Are we on a hunt? Did he leave without us again?”

Bailey held up her hands as she shifted to sit up on the floor, but not getting up yet. Not moving, not sure if he’d attack her or not, so as long as he wasn’t hurting himself, she was staying where she was. She might be a good hunter, but he outweighed her easily by 100 pounds, and drunk and angry that would make a difference. “Yea. It’s me.He’s gone remember?”She said slowly when he didn’t move. “He’s gone, Dean. We’re not 19 anymore, remember? He’s gone. He can’t hurt us anymore.”She said, not about to remind him that justice was gone, that even gone, John had found a way to hurt him.

“Dean?”Sam called from the adjoining room, knocking on the door.

“We’re okay!We are, Sam. Stay there.”Bailey yelled back at the younger winchester without turning away from Dean, not wanting Sam to see him like this. Not wanting Dean to have to answer questions, not when she knew Sam knew nothing of this, of anything. “Dean, we’re okay right?”She said, hoping knowing Sam was there would startle him awake because it didn’t match his memories.

“...Bays?”Dean focused on her, turning to look at her. “Yea...he’s gone....It’s fine Sam. Just a nightmare. We’re gonna need a new pillow though.”Dean called even though Sam would already know that. Dean had worked hard, trained, and if there was no active enemy in the room, he attacked something he couldn’t actually hurt. 

“Okay....”Sam frowned from the other side of the door, not sure if he believed them before sighing as he settled back at the table to work.

“....I’m sorry...did I hurt you?”Dean asked looking at Bailey. “I’m sorry...that’s why I sleep with Sam usually. He’s heavy enough sleeper that I don’t wake him up anymore, and he’s bigger and stronger then me so he can stop me if I attack someone by accident....”Dean admitted, running his trembling hands through his hair, hoping to god he hadn’t been talking in his sleep. She’d known, he knew that, but he hated that she could have been reminded. He was a freak, a slut, and he knew that was why she’d never come back. 

“Besides bruising my ass by throwing me to the floor? No. I’m okay.”She promised watching him before snorting slightle. “He’s big. Like a moose.”She smiled slightly, having been listening to Sam tell her stories all day. 

“Sorry....would you like me to kiss it all better?”He offered, because he couldn’t help himself.

“Not right now.”Bailey said rolling her eyes a little as she considered him.

“I’m going to go get a new pillow....”

Watching him go, she frowned. Turning things over in her head as she waited for him to return.

* * *

“Scoot over.”Bailey sighed looking at the man laying in the backseat of Baby, before opening the door, sliding into the backsseat with him, ignoring how tense he went, but relaxing a little when he didn’t push her away. Even scooted over as ordered so she could sit next to him. Dean looked at the woman, biting his lip a little. Figured if she was going to follow him all the way out here, he might as well let her vent her fury and disgust.

“...”Bailey was quiet, considering. Not sure where to start, but knowing they had to talk. Quiet, because today had had to many emotional blows, with Justice, with simply being with him again. Needing to talk, because if John was wrong about him being disgusted with her, she needed to know. And if he was....well. That was something she needed to know to. Though considering his dream, she was doubting that now. “....When...when he came to Lawrence....I yelled at him. Raged....how dare he steal our daughter, my little girl...but he said she was his...of course he could do what he wanted with her, since I spread my legs for any Winchester that got near me, made sense that he got to take care of the problem....”She shuddered, hanging her head a little, shifting to curl up on the seat, resting her head on her knees. Needing to get the words out, to see if he’d known, because even after 5 years the words had destroyed her. “Said it was a good thing Sammy was off at school and wouldn’t have to deal with the family whore...I hadn’t....”

“...He said what?!”Dean snarled looking at her, before the rest of the words sank in. “No!but...no. He said that as long as I kept....doing what he said he wouldn’t hurt you, or Sam. He said!He promised!I was a good boy for him so he wouldn’t hurt you!”He protested, trembling wildly because everything he had given up, the torture he’d endured to protect them, it’d been a lie. “Sam would never have....”He said shifting, looking at her. “Sam would never have. He never even half suspected the things John was capable of...Sammy could never have killed a kid. For fuck’s sake, he has issues with werewolves who don’t know they’re werewolves.”He muttered shaking his head a little. “I went back....because he told me he was going to go get Sam...and he’d break him if I didn’t...I went back cause he was going to hurt Sammy....I thought I was protecting you, and sam, when all I was doing was just...giving him what he wanted....all my life I did what he told me to do...I was a good boy for him while he buried me alive, trained me to hunt, fucked me until I was nearly dead....all my life I did so Sam wouldn’t have to....so that you wouldn’t have to...and now that all a lie, and I never did anything except what he wanted me to do because I was to weak to say no or find help....”

“...He was so sure Justice was his...she wasn’t. I made sure....as soon as I could...I still had some of your stuff in my trunk...I compared it.”She’d had to know. For sure. “Justice was ours, I promise.”She muttered, wanting him to know, even if it hurt that he didn’t get to know her, she wanted to make sure. “Well....it seems he told us both the same thing. That if I lived on my back, I’d be keeping you safe. That he’d make sure you got the easier hunts, that I wasn’t your only backup...said I had no business hunting anyways so I might as well be of a use like this...”She swallowed hard. “....It wasn’t all a lie. You protected Sammy, Sammy was safe.”She promised, at least she was pretty sure that was true, before wincing a little. “I know. I’ve always known Sam wouldn’t....it hurt to hear...but....I knew you loved him. I knew he’d be a good man, and looking after his niece...”She trailed off, closing her eyes. Pain and hurting because she knew she’d denied them both that right, to love and care for Justice. “...You left him. After he got Sam back... You and him...you two have done well. Bobby said he helped you....you figured out how bad he really was.”Bailey swallowed thickly, shuddering at the idea, shifting, wanting to lean into him, but not sure if he’d accept the touch knowing what she’d done, waiting for disgust. “You found help. Bobby said you did.”

“Of course he was....I don’t think he ever realized we’d had sex....I was very, very careful to make sure he never saw how much I...because that was his favorite thing to do. Take away whatever I liked.”He admitted looking over at her. “Even if she hadn’t been mine by blood, it wouldn’t have mattered. That’s...that’s all I wanted. More then anything, a family...and I would have loved her. Do love her...even if he had been the one to donate sperm, I would have loved her.”He promised shaking his head a little. “I didn’t protect Sam. That sick bastard just wanted a son to carry on the good name, and I wasn’t it. I was never the good son....”He said before shaking his head. “No, I didn’t. He left me, and when he didn’t come back I got Sam and spent the next several months fighting to find him, because he broke me so much I couldn’t exist without him telling me to...because he was all I knew, and living without him wasn’t worth living at all.....Bobby says a lot of things. That he thinks are true, because that’s what me or Sam told him, but they rarely are. All I am....all I ever was...all I ever will be is a filthy disgusting whore, and that’s why I can never be with my soul mate. Or be happy, because I haven’t been punished enough...I haven’t suffered enough to make up for my sins. I haven’t suffered enough for letting my own father do those things to me.”

“He knew....at least by the time he came after Justice...he knew. Made sure I felt like the Winchesters’ personal whore, with being in bed and a whore the only contribution I could have to hunting.”Bailey swallowed hard, shuddering. Hating that she’d kept it from him, hadn’t let him know. “I’m sorry...”She said the guilt in the words for keeping him away from his family nearly crippling, hating herself for hurting him. Frowning as she considered his words. “Then neither of us were good enough, but Sammy’s staying with us. Looking after us. We must be good enough for him.”She muttered before wincing, shuddering at the idea of him actually going searching for John. “I’m sorry....I’m so sorry...I could have changed this all...if I hadn’t been so angry, and hurt at being left. I’m sorry....”She said, starting to cry, those huge wracking sobs as she curled up tighter. “I’m sorry...I should be better....I should have told you....should have found you but...shit.... No wonder my mate wont write me back. He probably knows just how dirty and disgusting I am....of course he doesn’t want me.”She cried like the world had ended, for the first time since Justice died, truly letting her feelings through, the walls coming crashing down. 

“You’re not a whore. You never were a whore, not to me.”He promised. “I didn’t know...that he was hurting you. I would have left if I had known....guess that’s why he made damn sure we never found out, because if one of us had found out, we would have told the other and left, and told Sam...he was so fucking good at manipulating us.”He whispered before nodding hesitantly at the knowledge Sam stayed. “And Cas. I’m sure Cas knows, what John did. Can’t exactly hide that sort of thing from a angel....and he doesn’t hate me, us, so maybe....maybe it’ll be okay.”He said before wincing. “I could have changed it all to you know. All I had to do was not be so selfish and cowardly and gone after you. It would have been different....we could have done so many things, the both of us....we can’t change the past, but we can make the future better.”He whispered, feeling his own emotions crashing through him as he started to cry to, wincing. “You’re not. He didn’t write back because he thought you would be better without a disgusting freak like him.”he promised through his sobs, reaching up to the dashboard and grabbing a pen. Drawing on the palm of his hand, “I didn’t find out until you were pinned to the floor, but I thought you knew....knew what John had done so I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want you to be stuck with a disgusting freak like me.”

“You either....you were just Dean.”She muttered looking over at him. “Yea...he made sure we wouldn’t tell each other, made it seem like he’d already said something.”She swallowed thickly. “No...I think a angel would know, and he still risked everything to find you in hell. He thought you were worth it. And you are. So maybe...we’re okay.”She mumbled, tears bright and pain to see as she shaking her head. “I didn’t know anything.”She said staring at him as he wrote on her hand. Crumbling even more as she looked at her own hand. Feeling crushed that he wasn’t hers, despite his words. So crushed that she forgot the simple rule that everyone knew. That it took time for the words to show up. Crying as she shifted, those huge wracking sobs crumbling into sleepy little sniffles as she curled up against him, to exhausted to even consider going inside.

“we have to be okay. We’ll be okay...”Dean muttered sighing quietly as he watched her. He knew they would never be together, she would be so much happier with someone else, but at least she would never wonder why her soul mate wasn’t responding. Flinching as she crumbled, closing his eyes as he held her, settling in to sleep himself.


	11. The right kind of wrong

Sam sighed softly as he looked through the window, knocking lightly on the glass, knowing better then to pull the door open. All he’d do was get knifed for his efforts if he did.

“What?!”Dean startled, hand tightening around the knife he’d slid under the seat, tightening his hold on the woman in his arms, shifting, putting her move half behind him before blinking at Sam slowly. Sounding aggravated and annoyed, but quiet so he didn’t wake up Bailey just yet. Wincing slightly when he realized he’d cut the back of his hand, watching the blood trickling over his knuckles, and the red flush of blood starting to stain Bailey’s. 

“It’s morning. Time to get moving, if you’re feeling up to driving. Otherwise, me and Cas can continue on...you two could catch up.”Sam said watching him, wanting to know what happened here, but not wanting to press. Not when he knew Dean was not handling things well, but trusting him to talk to him when he was ready. 

“Dean?”Bailey muttered starting to come around, even if she was a hunter, the emotional toll of the day before was to much even for a woman who’d usually be up in a instant.

“Right...yea. Morning.”Dean muttered remembering where he was before looking down at Bailey. “It’s okay, Sparkplug. It’s just brakes.”He said, flashing Sam a annoyed glare. He only called Sam ‘brakes’ when the asshole moose ‘put the brakes’ on his moves, or otherwise was a buzz kill or kill joy. “Come on, sparkplug. Time to get up...Sam?Could you get some bandages?I cut myself.”Dean added, knowing that was a assured way to get her up and moving. 

“You got cut?”Bailey whined a little, stirring as she saw Sam heading back inside. “You seem to do that alot...”She said, flicking a look at his arms, the question there, but not asking. Not sure if she had a right to ask before her hands drew her attention. Staring at the blood staring to drip down the back of her hand. Staring for a long moment, before flushing brightly as she remembered everything she’d written in the last days about Dean....and how he had found her. “....I asked Dean Winchester....to find himself....”She stuttered a little, flushed and ready to bolt. 

“...It helps...it..when I can’t...it’s...punishing myself makes me feel better.”Dean said flinching a little, but not able to lie. “The last couple of days...I couldn’t deal.”He muttered before sighing softly. “To be fair, I didn’t know it was you until we found you. I thought....you knew, about the abuse...about what John did to me so i figured...it’d be better if you never knew. That you’d move on and be happy but I realize I was just making it worse...”Dean winced a little, “I don’t think I could ever make you happy. Not the way you deserve....so if you want to move on, that’s okay. I already tried to you know...to move on. It didn’t work so well for me...if John was alive I would have thought he had something to do with it but...anyways. If you find someone better, I wont be mad...because I’m not what’s best for you.”

“...no more. It’s not you that needs to be punished.”She said looking upset and worried about him, blue eyes pained at the idea that she’d hurt him badly enough that he was doing this. Staring at him as he explained, still flushed and embarrassed, not having anything to say. “I....I can’t Dean. For the last five years....hell. Longer really...I can’t...Justice was all I had, and after she was gone...”She trailed off, because John had stolen Justice from her, she hadn’t had the heart or desire to try caring for anyone again. “Friends? We’ll be okay. We should go hunting though....we can do that together. If we can’t do anything else....we can at least figure that out.”She paused, considering him, avoiding looking at him directly. She had no shields against him anymore, he knew her worst nightmares, the disgust she felt with herself. She couldn’t handle that...but hunting. Hunting she understood. “You should find someone to...I don’t care...you should try again. Your angel, for example.”She teased a little.

“That’s not how it works bays...the pain. I need the pain or I’ll go mad.”He admitted, if he really was lucky she wouldn’t find out about the rest. Studying her, “It’s okay Bailey. You wont feel like that forever. Someday, you’ll find someone you deserve, though he wont deserve you, because no one could. You’re just to awesome.”He teased before nodding. “Friends and hunters. We can do that.”He said before snorting. “Please. Cas wishes. I’m not even remotely gay, not even curious. Besides, Crowley totally put his stamp on Cas.”

“I know, but it scares me.”She muttered looking at him, tilting her head a little. Going quiet, not sure if he was right about that. To raw, to disgusted with herself and the mistakes she’d made to believe that she deserved more. “Crowley....demon right? He wants...”she looked shocked at the idea. 

“Yea.That demon.”Dean agreed with a small smile, because the whole situation made him laugh.

“Huh....I’ll go grab our stuff...we’ve already wasted enough time....we better get to our hunt....”Bailey said as she climbed out of the car, and headed inside.

“Here.”Sam said as he past her, tilting his head a little as he considered his brother.

“Thanks Sam...I’m sorry. I know this is hard for you to....you should talk to your boy. Mention that we’re heading past the state line.”Dean suggested even as he changed his bandages.

“Welcome, and I haven’t heard from him since yesterday morning....I wrote last night...and I’ll write him in the car, but I’m starting to get worried Dean.”Sam said the strain of worrying about the two of them, and not knowing what was going on with his mate had the man all twisted up.

“Fuck....get in the cars. I have a bad feeling.”Dean cursed softly as he got up as the other two walked out. “I’ll drive Bailey. If we have to stop, you keep going. Let Cas drive Baby, but you need to get there and now. This just doesn’t seem to be a coincidence...go now.”Dean ordered feeling panic starting, knowing it was probably a drug induced paranoia, but unable to ignore it. Something was waiting for them, and he had a feeling it was going to be bad.

* * *

“We’re here. Pulling into the private flats now.”Dean promised as he talked to Ellen, who’d called worried because the man hadn’t checked in like he’d promised to, and when she called, he hadn’t answered. “We’re heading up now. Promise.”He added before hanging up as he parked.

Sam frowned as he climbed out of the car, looking around, “...smell that?”

Dean nodded slightly, “Sulfur, old blood, and decay....hellhounds.”Dean muttered easing into the building as Bailey and Cas went in through the back. Soon enough they’d made their way upstairs, pausing when they got to the third level, the eldest winchester’s eyebrows going up. “Salt...and here, look, a devil’s trap has been etched into the doorknob...devil’s shoestring over the door....”

“Dammit.”sam muttered reaching for the doorknob, letting Dean cover him as he pushed the door open. “Hello!?”

“Hello?”Dean called as he stepped into the room, glancing at Sam when no one answered, before gaping a little as he took a look around the room. There were circles upon circles of salt, devil’s traps under the salt. There was salt and devil’s s shoestrings on every opening, even the vents and drains. Even worse were the huge splashes of red, everywhere. _Where they to late?_ He thought even as he looked at the final addition to the room that just shocked him. The portrait of Sam on a easel. Still slightly wet when he touched it, smudged a corner. The whole thing was splattered with blood giving the picture of Sam a very eerie look.”Did you send him a picture of yourself?”

“N-no.”Sam was quiet, pale when there was no answer, staring at the picture. Had he already lost his mate? Something cold and tight in his stomach made him feel sick, and jump as Bailey and Cas eased into the room behind them.

“That’s just creepy.”Bailey muttered looking at the picture, watching Sam move further into the apartment.

“Dean!”Sam yelled as he pushed open the bathroom door, panic starting to twist through the normally steady Winchester’s voice. Sam lowered the gun as he knelt at the man’s side, while he was good, Dean was the better doctor out of the two of them.

“Sam, go get the kit.”Dean ordered watching for a moment as Sam scampered out of the room, before kneeling down to check the boy’s pulse. He was just a few years younger then sam, but he looked so small and frail compared to Sam. The boy was wearing clothes that were so tattered they were hardly covering anything so Dean pulled a towel down and wrapped it around him to perserve his modesty some. pale blond hair streaked with blood, as if he'd run his hands through it to get the long strands out of his face, and Dean could see feverish green eyes peeking out from under closed eyelids.

There were chunks of him missing, torn from dog like teeth, but it looked as though none of them were still bleeding. He was covered in bites and claw marks around his arms looked like he had tried defending himself. His legs had been worried to the bone in some places, and his ribs were covered in scratches and bites. The most worrying was the claw marks across the boy’s face, if Dean was lucky, he’d be able to save the kid’s eye, though he knew even with Cas’ help, there was no saving the vision in it. It was to damaged. 

“Kid?Can you hear me?”

“Wi...che...ster.”

“Yea, it’s alright, I’m Dean Winchester. Can you tell me your name?”

“Demetrius.”The boy shuddered before going silent again as both Bailey and Cas stepped into the room.

“Cas, can you save the eye?”Dean said even as he took the first aid kit from Bailey, the woman having forced Sam to stay out of the room despite his protests, starting to administer the antibiotics.

“Yes, but not the sight.”Cas muttered as he knelt down, resting his fingers against the boy’s forehead. Healing him, even he looked a little pale with the effort. While he could heal most anything, and the damage, it drained him to deal with demon inflicted wounds. Especially if the wounds were inflicted by Lucifer’s personal hounds. They were made of tougher stuff, then normal hell hounds. 

“Well, at least we know why the blood never showed up.”Deam muttered as he examined the thin gloves Demetrius was wearing, along with the towel that had been obviously used to towel the blood off his arms.

“yea we do.”Bailey said as she watched the wounds heal as Cas straightened, standing up to let them out. “Move him into the bedroom Dean. I dosed Sammy out here, he needs to lay down.”Bailey said mostly holding the moose up, he’d started panicking, and rather then have him totally lose his mind, the woman had swiped some sleeping pills from the first aid kit and put it in the water she’d given him.

“Good thinking.”Dean said smiling slightly at the sight of his small mate holding up his moose of a brother. “I have to get these bandaged before I can move him. Even healed, the skin is to fragile and new, if I move him, they’ll open again.”Dean said looking at Cas. “Help her get him to bed. I’ll move him as soon as I finish.”He promised.

“I got it.’Cas said moving to her, carefully picking Sam up even as Sam sleepily protested it, looking up at the sound of hellhounds howling, even if they were moving away. They might have failed killing him, but he had no doubt that Lucifer was pleased with this turn of events. 

Dean sighed softly as he finished cleaning and bandaging Demetrius up, before moving the man into the bed with sam. Staring at them for a long moment, Demetrius was taller then he’d first looked, tall enough that he came to just over sam’s shoulder, but he was thin and slightly, practically half of Sam. “...sam’s going to break the kid. I mean...is Sam even going to fit inside that? How does that even work?”Dean wondered, head cocked to the side as he looked at them. Sam looked way bigger then normal, and Demetrius way smaller when they lay next to each other like that. “that kid needs to eat more, holy crap.”

Moving away from the window she had been looking out of, Bailey snorted a little. “Maybe it’ll be Sam who bottoms. The kid could totally fit in Sam.”Bailey said smirking a little, because she knew the idea of Sam having sex weirded him out some, even if he spent half his time trying to get his kid brother laid. “And everyone looks small next to him. He’s a moose. Moose is big, but we’ll feed him....we should see about getting some food. I don’t think I trust eating any of the food that’s in here.”

“Honestly, I think the kid could crawl inside Sam entirely....this is gross. Let’s not talk about this.”Dean decided, smiling a little. “You stay here and watch them. Sam always wants to get up when he’s not allowed, and Demetrius is probably just as bad.”He said before smiling slightly before she could protest. “Cas will go with me, and you three will be fine.”

“He probably could. He looks about as wide around as Sam’s thigh.”bailey snickered a little as she watched the two men sleeping. “You always had such a queasy stomach when it concerned Sammy.”She teased before nodding. “Go, we’ll be okay. And if I have to, I think I can keep them both in bed.”

“I know. It’s just so wrong in so many ways....and only when he’s bleeding, demon possessed, or having sex. And I know you can, you’re a bit more stubborn then they are.”Dean admitted with a chuckle as he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, any thoughts or comments?Hit the comment button, I live for hearing what everyone thinks.


	12. I wake up loving you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter for Rhiannon the adventurer extraordinar, because she's my most consistent commentor, and because well, she said she was going to go wild for a sam-dmitri talk, so here you go. a whole chapter just of them.

“Demetrius?I’m Bailey Daniels.I’m here to help.”Bailey said when she saw the man stirring, glancing at the window, glad to see that the sun was just starting to come up. Good, they’d both gotten some sleep. Wincing as the sound of her voice only made Demetrius try to get away from her more, nearly falling over Sam in the effort. “You need to lay down, and rest. You’re safe now.”

“I’m Dmitri....Demetrius is to long...”He mumbled. “El....Ellen said Winchester was coming...”Demetrius said, his blade lowering slowly as he looked at the slight woman standing near the window. “I have to stay awake or they start breaking through the lines....you can’t hear them now, because they’re waiting...waiting for me to sleep....I have to wait for Winchester. Ellen said wait....”

“Dmitri then.”Bailey said wincing at how weak he was. “You can rest. They’re here. That’s Sam Winchester sleeping behind you, and-”She paused when Dean walked in, having heard her talking from the living room. “That idiot is Dean Winchester, hound slayer and all around pain in the ass. Don’t worry, we can take care of the hounds, you can rest.”Bailey soothed softly. “Sam needs you to rest, okay? Can you do that for me? Sleep, and make sure he doesn’t go anywhere.”

“I’m awake.”Sam slurred struggling a little to wake up despite the drugs, blinking slowly.

“...He’s real.”Dmitri turned, looking down at the man sleeping behind him. Examining him intently, before setting a hand against his face. “he’s really here...”He mumbled before shifting, layind on top of the other and began to cry, because he had been attacked several times and his soul mate was there and he was hurt and sick and couldn’t contain himself anymore. Smiling slightly as Sam wrapped his arms around him, settling back to sleep himself.

“Poor kid.Just got off the phone with Ellen.”Bean muttered quietly as Bailey stepped out of the room, shutting the door to let Sam and Dmitri get some more sleep. “He’s the son of Dominic Demos.”

Bailey tilted her head as she considered that. The Demos family was actually rather famous in the hunting world, ranking up there with the name the Winchesters were making for themselves. They were originally rom Greece and where one of the few families who’d been part of the Men of Letters and managed to escape Abaddon’s slaughter. The books they created on hunting were extraordinarily rare, all hand written and only twenty had made it into circulation and that had been centuries ago. Dominic Demos had carried on the family honor by adding to the book, a family grimiore of sorts, a book that had existed since the 18th century and was easily the most advanced book of monsters, beings, demons and haunting that existed. Dominic had retired though, to protect his newborn son, and apparently, that protection had just run out.

“Yea...poor both of them. I don’t think Sam’s going to take this well.”Baily muttered before smiling slightly. “But that does explain how he knew what to do.”She said mostly to herself, turning her head away from him, heart hurting. Another hunter who’d done what she failed to do. Successfully retire. Swallowing thickly as she moved over to the living room window looking up just as Cas came in.

Dean frowned a little watching her, moving to stand next to her, “You can’t blame yourself....if John hadn’t gotten involved, you would have succeeded but he made it his business to make your life...my life...our lives as much of a hell as possible. It is, was, and always will be, John’s fault. Not yours.”He muttered watching her, knowing the words didn’t get to her, but he was going to keep telling her that.

“The hounds are gone for the moment. No demons or hounds left in the city..”Cas said watching the two, tilting his head a little. 

“Good. In that case, until we’re all recovered, we’re staying here where it’s more or less safe. Dmitri can’t be moved, and we could all use a chance to get some real rest.”Dean admitted, feeling the strain of taking way to many pills to to short of a time. He was going to crahs hard so he intended on getting drunk because if he was drunk, no one would look for other reasons.

Cas nodded a little. “Rest. I’ll watch over you all.”He said watching the two as they settled in to rest. For a few hours at least, they had some peace.

* * *

Dmitri moved to the edge of the bed and actually made to get up before he remembered he wasn’t alone. Already the fever, and the pain, had diminished alot and he simply sat there and stared at the sleeping man. Biting his lip a little before moving slightly, picking up a marker from his nightstand and drew a heart on the back of his hand, a small delighted smile turning his lips when after a few minutes when it appeared across Sam’s skin.

“...Dmitri?”Sam stirred after a few minutes, blinking up at him slowly. Struggling to wake up more, unless he was in danger, he woke up slowly, he enjoyed sleep when he could. Frowning slightly when he smelled the eggs and bacon cooking, hoping that Dean and Bailey were cooking, not Cas. “Careful getting up.”Sam added, sighing softly, because he wasn’t sure how to tell the other about his eye, he could see the cloudy scars that filled one eye.

“Yea...hi.....someone’s making food?”Dmitri asked, tilting his head a little.

“Yea. Hopefully Bailey or Dean, not Cas.”Sam muttered making a face at the idea of the angel cooking.

“I didn’t even know I had food in the flat...”

“You didn’t, I don’t think.”Sam said looking amused

“I need to pee....”Dmitri explained as he slowly got up, before scowling. Reaching up to touch his face, “I can’t...”he muttered as his fingers found the bandages that were plastered to his face, but when he nearly poked himself in the eye he knew it wasn’t covered. “I...I can’t see out of my left eye.....I’m half blind?”He asked, turning to look at Sam with eyes so wide, desperately seeking reassurance from the one person who’s opinion mattered.

“You are.”Sam said gently, reaching out to hug him, drawing him closer. “We saved the eye but couldn’t heal the damage...”sam said looking worried about his reaction before nudging him a little. “Go pee. Then we’ll see about getting food.”He said, hoping if he treated like it was normal, the other wouldn’t freak out to bad;y. Even if he was sure Dmitri still would, he was trying to make it easier.

“Okay....I’m....I’m hungry enough to eat I guess...”Dmitri said heading for the bathroom and shrieking like a girl when he realized he’d only been wearing a pair of boxers. “Sam!I’m naked!”Dmitri wailed as Dean chuckled, stepping in from the hall and holding out the bathrobe that had been in the wash room. The robe itself amused Dean greatly as it was a ‘woman’s’ robe. It was satin, barely went low enough to hide anything, and it was a very pale pink. 

“Good, cause I don’t think Bailey would let us do anything if we didn’t eat.”Sam smiled a little before snorting. “Yea, you are. Um. The hounds sorta destroyed your clothes. Be glad Dean has stopped pranking me enough to put you in boxers....a few years ago you would have woke up completely naked.”Sam said as he handed the robe to Dmitri, now that he was more awake and aware, the man looked around the room in curiosity. The clothes littered around the room were a very eclectic mix of men and women’s clothes, not just gender, but style as well. There was even a gothica style lolita dress mixed in with a very pretty sun dress, and a man’s suit and tie set. 

“Bailey’s the girl I met this morning?”Dmitri said frowning, struggling to remember before frowning harder. “The hounds? Like hellhounds?I don’t understand why the went after me....I never made a deal....my father’s book said that was the only reason why a hellhound would come after a human, unless that human really pissed off a demon, but I haven’t done anything I think....”Dmitri said sounding upset and frightened. 

“Yea, that’s her. Dean’s mate, even if they’re being weird about it.”Sam said before giving a eye roll that said he thought they were being ridiculous about it, but understood there was reasons they were to. “Yes...hellhounds.”he said flinching a little, looking away. “You haven’t. Me and Dean have. They came after our mates, thankfully we got to you two before you died for it.”Sam said looking sick at the idea, that they’d nearly gotten both of them killed.

“She’s the one that got to ‘touch’ Baby then?”Dmitri snickered wiggling his eyebrows. “Being weird. They’re mates. How can they be weird about it?”he said before grimacing. “Well. It was certainly a effective attack.....I was...I’ve never been attacked before. I don’t think it’s....really sunk in yet.”

“Yes, she is. They dated years ago, and didn’t know it. It didn’t end well, and I think they’re hiding things from me, but what I know is bad enough, and they’re not wanting to be together again.”Sam sighed making a face, because it upset him to not know how to help them. “Yes....Lucifer nearly killed Bailey to...she got lucky I think...he got bored....and well. You can stay with us until we stop this....and longer if you want.”Sam said blushing slightly.

“Ah...well that would throw things into a mess....Do you think they’re hiding bad things, or things you don’t really want to know?”Dmitri asked before frowning. “Must be why he sent hounds after me...didn’t want to risk getting bored....and I’d like that. Staying with you I mean.”

“Yea....probably. But if I don’t know what happened, I can’t help them either.”Sam said before wincing. “Most likely. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was a reason, even if trying to apply logical reasons to Lucifer doesn’t work well.”

“It might just be something they have to help each other with. You can’t save them from everything.”Dmitri said, opening his mouth to answer before stopping.

“Food’s ready you two!”Bailey yelled from the kitchen as she set Sam’s morning salad and the normal eggs and bacon on the table.


	13. breakfast and distant wedding bells

Dmitri smiled slightly as he walked in, ignoring the way how both Winchester brothers were watching his legs, and knowing why they did. He shaved. Nearly everything really, with just a little fuzz left on his chest, but mostly because there wasn’t enough there to really bother with shaving his chest.

“Sam?Your boyfriend?He’s awesome.”Dean informed Sam after a moment before starting to eat himself. 

“Hm?Yes. He is.”SAm agreed as he dragged his way from his mate’s legs, settling in with a quiet thank you to Bailey, smiling a little as Dean slid more food onto Dmitri’s plate.

“You’re tiny. You need to eat more.”Dean ordered when Dmitri had looked up at him, even as he slid more coffee over to Bailey, old habits coming quite easily even as he snagged some bacon off her plate since he knew she wouldn’t care enough to complain about it.

“Just cause he’s not as big as me, doesn’t mean he’s tiny.”

“Yes it does. He’s small, and you’re a moose.”Bailey said rolling her eyes a little as Dean stole her bacon, even as she sipped her coffee, absently pushing her plate over to him so he could get the rest of her bacon if he wanted it.

“Sam, he’s smaller then Sparkplug is.”Dean pointed out.

“Bailey’s smaller then him.”

“No she’s not. She’s at least a inch taller and got more muscle then me.”Dmitri admitted.

“True.”Sam said looking amused, even if she was slimmer, she was just a inch shy of being as tall as Dean, and well muscled.

“Besides, Sam is the gentle sort. He’ll be kind to me. It’s not like he’s going to toss me around, force his way inside me and then leave me broken on the side of the road.”

“You have issues, don’t you?”

“I read to many murder mysteries. The Carver Edland books are my favorite.”Dmitri said, pausing when Dean groaned. “You don’t like the Supernatural books?”He said laughing a little at the groan.

“Oh, he’d like them better if Dean wasn’t Dean.”Sam said, a amused and vague way of admitting who had been the inspiration for what Carver Edland had said would one day be known as the Winchester Legacy, the gospels of Winchester.

“Oh really?”Dmitri leaned forward to stare at Dean. “Just how accurate are the books?”

“They’re all filthy lies.”Dean growled, which totally meant ‘they’re all true and that’s why I’m embarrassed.’

“I own them!You can burrow the first one.”Dmitri promised. “They’re signed so be careful okay? Don’t take them out in the field with you, I don’t want blood on them.”

“I promise. Thanks.”Bailey said smiling a little.

Dean snorted a little. “it’s official sammy, your mate is nuts. He suits you perfectly.”

“Anyways....I can take my paints with us right?”If not, he could at least use his paper pads and charcoals. 

“As long as you can make sure they wont leak out and stain baby or junior, I don’t think you taking your paints would be a problem.”Sam said looking amused as Bailey wandered into the living room to look at the books, smirking at his brother. “You sure you want her reading those?”

“Not like I can stop her if I wanted to.”Dean said shrugging a little.

“Oh, they wont. I have a case they go in to protect all my high priced art stuff.”Dmitri promised, amused at the boys’ conversation and Bailey’s ignoring them as she started to read. Heading over to a surprisingly large suitcase and popped it open, revealing a artist’s dream inside. Paints of all colors, colored pencils, paintbrushes, and everything else he needed all hooked into a homemade harness to hold everything perfectly. 

“Think you can make another one for all my hunting stuff?”Dean asked making Dmitri laugh.

“I probably could.”

“Of course you’d want one for hunting.”Sam said rolling his eyes a little, looking a little wide eyed as he stared at the expensive paints, a dream’s come true for most artists he knew. 

“Speaking of art, are you gonna explain that by chance?”Dean said, jerking a thumb at the eerie likeness of Sam.

“Oh, that. Sometimes, um. When I’m painting, I paint things that happen in the future...”Dmitri muttered, waiting for them to think he was insane.

“He draws good artwork for you and baby sometimes to.”Sam said smirking a little, not reacting, simply accepting what the other had said, simply because in his world, it wasn’t the weirdest thing he’d ever heard.

“....He draws baby?”  
“Sometimes.”Dmitri admitted, looking a little shocked that no one was reacting badly, or being upset. 

“Yea.”Sam said with a smirk that just dared Dean to ask what the art looked like. He’d totally enjoy showing Dean the fox and wolf fucking on it.

Dean went tense, frowning when someone knocked on the door, easing the gun out from under his shirt when he heard the woman’s voice on the other side of the door.

“D?D, you home?”

“He’s got that devil’s plant up. Do you think something happened?”The voice was deep and rumbling. “Dmitri?”

“It’s okay!”Dmitri called before looking at the brothers, waving a hand at the guns that had materialized in all three hunters hands. “Put that down before you shoot my friends.”He ordered as he hobbled to the door.

“You sure?”Bailey muttered, her fascination with the books forgotten, tense and ready to attack as Dmitri opened the door.

“Very.”Dmitri reassured before opening the door.

“Dmitri!What happened?Is that blood!?”The woman was bigger than Dmitri, well muscled and almost as tall as Dean. Super model gorgeous with olive skin and silky black hair and long, long legs accented by leather pants. The man with her was point blank massive. He was bigger than Sam, by a lot. His skin was a dark ebony and his frame was packed with muscles. He was completely bald and clean shaven, and he stared at the three strangers with a wary look.

“Sora, Bruce, I’m glad to see you. And glad you missed all the fuss to. I was just, had a run in with some old wives’ tales is all.”Dmitri promised, not wanting them to worry to much. “I’m not hurt to badly. This is Dean, Bailey, and Sam. They rescued me. I’m going to rest for a few days and then, I was thinking of going into the family business.”

“You must be out of your mind. I’ve read that book of yours!”

“Oh, relax. I’m not going hunting myself. I’m just going to stalk other hunters.”

:That doesn’t seem much safer.”Sora said crossing her arms. “Did someone cook? I know you can’t.”

“You still have the book?”Bailey said, latching onto the one fact that interested her at the moment. She wasn’t surprised Dmitri was going to follow Sam, she’d figured that if he hadn’t, Sam would be retiring. She was glad they were happy, even if it hurt that Sam was getting a happy ending, and her and dean just couldn’t. “Yea, I did.”Bailey said tilting her head, relaxing a little. “There’s still some on the stove if you want some.”

“Of course I still have the book.”Dmitri said looking amused as Bruce and Sora came in further. “Anyways, I found my soul mate, Sam!Sam, come here. There are my best friends, Sora and Bruce.”

“Hello.”

“...He’s going to Snap you in half.”Bruce informed Dmitri, looking amused, which just made Dean dissolve into giggles.

“He is. Tiny. Tinier then me and Cas.”Bailey snickered a little.

“I am a bit breakable.”Dmitri admitted with a giggle as Bruce snorted.

“He’s not breakable so much as....never been hurt?He’s a bit of a pansy really.”

“I am not!Okay, maybe a little, but that’s besides the point.”Dmitri said before shrieking in fear when Cas appeared between them.

Cas paused as he flashed into the room, blinking slowly at the sight in front of him. Studying them all, the slight shadow of wings across the walls before they disappeared again.

“He’s fine.”Sam said looking up from the salad he’d returned to eating. “Dmitri, Sora, Bruce, this is Castiel. Cas, this is Dmitri and his friends.”

“hello.”Cas said looking vaguely upset that he’d startled them all. He was so used to popping in on the boys, that he forgot others weren’t used to it.

“He’s fine?”Dmitri asked sounding incredulous. “I have devil’s shoestrings over every single window and door, there are devil’s traps etched onto the floor, there are circles of salt everywhere and he just pops in like it’s all nothing!”

“That’s because he’s not a demon. He’s a angel.”Dean explained. “You have to do other things to keep him out.”

“Oh...”

“You know, I’d be more worried if he could be stopped by those things.”Bailey said looking thoughtful. 

“They’re vaguely annoying, but not enough to stop.”Cas said looking around, and he was fairly certain he could lay the blame for that annoyance at Crowley’s feet. 

“They annoy you?Since when?”Dean said looking worried.

“Just the last few months.”About the time Crowley had started to express a interest in the fallen. Which just made Dean silently snicker at the knowledge.

“We’ll show you how to keep angels out, besides Cas, there’s not that many you want around.”Sam said smiling a little. 

“Greetings to you, angel of the lord.”Bruce said, unable to be ‘rude’ to a angel. Flushing when they all turned to stare at him. “What?I’m catholic.”

“Are you really a angel?My father theorized that such beings existed, but he was never able to prove it one way or the other....can I add you to my book?”Dmitri asked hopefully. He wasn’t going to add a real life angel if the man didn’t want him to, that was just asking for trouble.

“Just Cas. The winchesters have taught me this is a normal human form of talking, not all angel of the lord and all.”Cas said before nodding a little at Dmitri. “If you feel that you must, you can. I think you should. Angels are bringing war to earth, and demons...there are things that hunters would be well knowing.”

“I can’t think of any reason why I would want angels to stay away...”

“One. A few angels want me to submit to posession so that he, and lucifer and bring about the end of the world.”

“Oh.well, then I better learn.”Dmitri agreed looking troubled.

“And two, cause most angels are dicks. A bag of dicks really.”Sam added, not wanting to go into everything here and now, even if he knew eventually they’d have to. It just...he wanted a day, a few days really, when the weight of the apocalypse and being lucifer’s vessel didn’t weigh on him. Or at least, not as heavily.

“There’s a actual war going on?There’s been signs, plagues, famine, earthquakes....They’re bringing about the apocalypse?” 

“yes they are. You know alot about this?”Dean said frowning a little.

“Again, I’m catholic. The end times is trained into us.”Bruce admitted looking troubled, before frowning a little as he glanced at his watch. “Anyways, I have to get going D. I have my shift in twenty minutes. I’ll see you tonight?”

“Yea. Go. Thanks for stopping.”Dmitri smiled watching his friends go, troubled at the knowledge that the apocalypse was being kicked off, and that things were going to get bad, but maybe....just maybe they’d be okay, tilting his head as Sam’s phone went off, looking amused as he watched the man step out of the room to talk.

“We’ve been asked to go to a wedding....and I was told to tell you, she’s having pie. Just for you, Dee.”Sam said before smiling a little as he stepped back into the room.

Dean tilted his head a little as they finished breakfast, looking up when Sam came back in. “Dude, who do you talk to? I didn’t know you still had friends.”Which sounded meaner then he’d meant it to. “And-did you say pie? What kind of pie?Never mind, where’s the wedding and when?Because if we have to drive another six hours, I’m not going.”

“Amber. Remeber the girl we saved from the shapeshifter?Knowing that we deal with this kinda stuff....makes it easier to stay in contact with her.”Because Sam didn’t have to lie to her, and it was good to still have at least one friend who wasn’t in the life, that had a normal life. “I did say pie. She made some for you. And let’s see, she said cherry, apple, and strawberry.”Sam said knowing Amber had done it because she really wanted to see Sam, and getting Dean there guaranteed he’d show up. “And it’s this weekend....she’s here at Yale. Her soon to be husband is going to school here.”

“Amber?Doesn’t....oh!She’s the girl. Oh I remember her.”Dean agreed before nodding a little. “She was cool I guess. We can go, it might even be fun.Pies always good.”Dean decided.

“Of course you’d remember the girl....and you are such a addict.”Bailey muttered rolling her eyes as she looked up from the book she’d settled back into reading. 

“I always remember the girl.”Dean agreed before shrugging. He knew he was a pie addict. 

“...I need to go shopping. I have boots I can wear to a wedding, but I need a dress.”Bailey said mostly because she wanted space, needed to get away from dean for awhile.

“Oh!Me to. I should get a dress for the wedding...or should I wear a suit? Decisions decisions...what do you think Sam?Suit or dress?”Dmitri asked with a smile.

“You wear dresses in public?”Dean asked.

“of course.”

“You don’t like...get beat up or anything?”

“With bruce as my best friend?”

“Good point.”

“Suit.”Sam said rolling his eyes a little at the two. “We’re going to shock Amber enough by actually showing up, no need to make the bride faint.”

“Aww, I like shocking p[eople. Can I at least get a pretty color?”Dmitri asked grinning at Sam because he didn’t mind not wanting to startle Sam’s friends. At first anyways. He refused to be ashamed of himself after all.

“Yes you can. I wouldn’t ask you to hide yourself, but I’d prefer not to be the center of attention on what’s supposed to be her day.”Sam pointed out.

“Okay, so me and Sam will go to the suit store, and Dean and bailey can go to the dress store.”Dmitri said looking pleased with his matchmaking, smiling pleased with knowing sam wouldn’t ask him to hide, just not shock everyone on Amber’s day.

“I’ll go with them to. I should get a new suit.”Cas said smirking a little, as he headed for the door, ignoring the look both dean and bailey gave him,

“I need a suit to...”Dean protested, balking when the other three men gave him that ‘we’re giving you a opening jackass, take it.’ look, that he really didn’t want to see but knew he couldn’t fight again.

“Fine...Bailey can help me pick out a suit....”Dean grumbled as he got ready to go himself, waiting for the other two to get ready before they left.


	14. Shopping is Crowley's handy work sometimes

“I’m sorry...”Dean said looking at the woman walking next to him, as he watched the couple in front of him. They were cute together, even if he’d never tell Sam that. “I’ll talk to Sam. Smiling a little as the two crossed the street to get to the suit shop, and continuing on with Bailey to the dress shop at the end of the street.”He’s...trying to push us together. I suppose it’s my own fault. I spent to much time trying to get him laid and he’s getting revenge.”

Bailey looked over at him, shrugging a little as she ducked her head some, hiding her face in the furred collar of her jacket, simply keeping the wind out of her face, and trusting Sam and Dean to let her know if someone was coming at her. “Maybe you shouldn’t be so obsessed with your brother’s sex life.”she teased before sighing. “He doesn’t know better, and doesn’t know that this is a bad idea. He’ll figure it out and back off eventually.”

“I’m not obsessed with my brother’s sex life...I just wanted him to stop sulking. I thought getting him laid would stop that.”Dean said before sighing softly. “That wont stop him. It’ll just be him thinking we’re being stupid. He...he doesn’t know. Doesn’t understand how we broke, and our pieces just don’t fit together anymore...my pieces don’t really fit with anyone anymore.”He frowned. “Maybe, someday, with time we’ll both be happy. I don’t think now is that time, for either of us....though I hope to god you find someone who can make you happy. You deserve that after everything me and John put you through.”He said watching her for a moment.

Bailey snorted a little at the explanation before shaking her head a little. “I don’t want to tell him. It’ll just hurt him, and us, if he knows.”She shifted, bumping her shoulder against his. “we’ll be happy...but for now. We’ll settle for being friends again.”

“He’d never forgive himself for not knowing, and he doesn’t need that. Not when he’s happy.”Dean said smiling a little before sighing when he saw the store they were going into. “Come on, let’s go in. Maybe I could find a cute garter, and use it to strangle Sammy with. That’d be fun.”

“Maybe I should wear garters. We’ll strangle Sam with them later, when he’s not expecting retaliation.”She decided as she stepped inside, frowning a little as she started choosing a few different things. 

Dean swallowed thickly, refusing to consider the idea of her in garters, adjusting himself a little as he eased down into the chair to wait. Looking up when Bailey appeared at the fitting room doors, with her arms full of stuff. Stuff that he couldn’t remember the last time she wore, because it was a rarity she dressed up.

“okay. I’ll be right back out. And you can tell me which one’s the best.”Bailey said as she ducked into the fitting room.

“Do I have to?”Dean whined a little sounding more normal than he had since she’d joined them. This was normal for him, not wanting to wait and help pick out clothes.

“Oh!Aren’t you two cute!”The bubbly blond sales woman smiled at them both. “You just make the perfect couple!When’s the big day?”She beamed at the two as Dean sputtered a little. “Oh, don’t be shy!You two look simply made for each other, don’t get cold feet now.”

“We’re not, we’re attending a friend’s wedding.”Bailey said through the door before smiling a little as she went through the dresses. “And yes, you have to. I mean, we’re showing up together. I need to know if the dress is okay, you know I don’t do this sorta thing alot. Last wedding I went to was a friends years ago, and I was huge. Pregnancy and dresses don’t go together.”

“You do fine. You have more of a fashion sense then I do. Sam does all my shopping.”He said snickering a little. 

Bailey swallowed hard as she stepped out of the dressing room, the form fitting black dress clinging to a slender and slightly curved body, the square neckline showing off the slight swell of breasts, and the see through capped sleeves completed the look. But it wasn’t that that made Dean’s breath catch in his throat for a moment, but the slight breaking of the dress line, that there was lingerie under there. Probably a garter belt. Swallowing thickly as his eyes went lower, a laugh catching in his throat as he saw what had to be a pair of custom made boots that she’d retrieved from her car. Looking closely he could see the hilt of a knife in each boot, and under the buckles that held the tops of the boots against her knees, was small stoppered vials of salt and holy water. For a moment, Dean simply stared.

* * *

Sam winced a little as he watched Dmitri zig zag a little, catching him as he tripped a little. “Careful. You were doing okay there. It’ll take some time to get used to.”He said tucking the man under his arm with a sigh. “Stay with me, and I’ll warn you about stuff.”

“Thanks Sam....maybe I better get a eye patch?So people know I can’t see on that side?”He wondered, not wanting to advertise his new handicap, but not wanting to upset someone by walking into them or accidentally ignoring them either. He was to happy to be snuggled against Sam’s side to actually care though. 

“Maybe...but I don’t like the idea of people knowing about the handicaps....to many years as a hunter I guess...don’t want to advertise this kind of thing....and if people get upset, they can deal with it.”

“Not forever. Just till I get to used to it.”

“True.”Sam smiled a little as he held open the door to the shop for the other.

“....That is going end terribly.”He muttered as he leaned against the door for a moment to watch Dean and Bailey disappear into the store together before walking into the suit shop. “Now. Should I get baby blue or light pink? Maybe coral?Perhaps a sea foam green might look nice?”

“It is going to end terribly, hopefully not withhaving to bail them out for having sex in a dressing room or something....”Sam said before smiling as he looked around, watching Cas start looking for a suit before starting to look for himself. “Hm, Sea foam green would be pretty.”

“I don’t think they’re ready for that kind of behavior. Give them another month. Or at least a few days.”Dmitri said smiling before nodding. “And yes, seafoam green, it’ll bring out my eyes.”he agreed before dragged Sam across the store to get him a suit and fitted.

* * *

“Oh!You look gorgeous!What a perfect dress!Isn’t it the perfect dress?”The sales woman looked at dean, who flushed harder.

“You look great, Bays. It’s flattering.”Dean said.

“You two are just the most cutest couple ever!”The store clerk squealed before scowling at Dean. “You’re just not very romantic at all!You’re supposed to tell her she looks amazing!Or at least stand there breathless and wordless with lust and passion!Honesty. Men.”She huffed before flouncing off in a huff.

“...Is it just me, or is she nuts?”

“We’re not dating so he doesn’t have to be romantic....”Bailey trailed off in bemusement as the woman got out of hearing distance, frowning a little. “I think definitely nuts.”She agreed before disappearing back into the fitting room, not wanting to know what he really thought about the outfit.

“You really do look fantastic Bailey. Very beautiful.”Dean promised as he listened to her change.

“...If you say so. Ever since...I was pregnant, I ended up softer. With curves, it’s weird, but okay.”She shrugged a little cause she wasn’t exactly huge either, she softer around the edges then she had been.

“Curves are good, men like curves....well, men with taste like curves. Only assholes like stick woman.”Dean said as he watched her look around, make sure she had everything she needed. “Stick women are just...sticks. Nothing to grab, nothing to see. Curves are better.”he promised looking amused.

“Hm, you have a type then. Curvy girls, that’s amusing.”She teased a little.

“Being honest here, you and Lisa are the only girls that ever...lasted more then a night...I do have a type.”Dean said, flushing a little, though it wasn’t curvy girls really. He just...had a thing for moms, if the two girls who lasted more then a week meant anything....no. He had a thing for strong women who didn’t need a damn man, but liked having him around anyways. Women who’d kick his ass but still let him take care of them. He had a thing for women, who were comfortable with themselves.

“....”Dean frowned a little as he paid, tilting his head a little when he saw the confused look the woman was giving them. Looking thoughtful before pulling out his phone and checking it. Smirking to himself as he sent another devil’s trap picture, fairly certain whatever was up with the woman, was his fault. Looking over at Bailey when he saw the look she gave him. “Just Crowley being a dick cause I got his finger stuck to his phone. Girl in the shop was possessed I think, and I can think of only one demon who’d possess someone for ten minutes just to fuck with me.”

“Well, maybe you should stop sending him devil’s traps, and he’d stop being a dick.”she said amused before sighing.“Come on, let’s go get you a suit then you can have some time alone. I’m sure you’re tired of hanging out with me.”

“Honestly?I like being with you again. I feel more like myself when I’m with you.”Dean said smiling as he stepped into the suit store, leaving a shocked and silent Bailey behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who are curious about the clothes, there are what they are:
> 
> The dress:  
> http://gticl.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/dresses-to-wear-to-a-wedding-reception.jpg  
> The boots:  
> http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=5719674


	15. Rceptions and bridesmaids

The next few days were rough on everyone even as Dmitri and Sam settled into dating and being together, it seemed that Bailey and Dean were lashing out even more, the sharp edges to their personalities rubbing each other raw, and only after half the day had past, had she realized why. Beyond having settled in to read the supernatural books and reading about Lisa and Dean, the woman had forgotten Justice’s birthday.

For the first time in five years, she hadn’t spent the day at home in Lawrence. Granted, she’d been busy and saving Dmitri at the time, but still it had crept up on her. She’d consider skipping the wedding really if she wasn’t sure Sam would drag her out to find out what was wrong. She knew Sam, at least through Dean’s stories and the few days they’d been together, knew that while he mostly didn’t needle Dean to badly, he still did, until Dean lashed out and told him what was wrong.

“Bailey?”Dmitri asked knocking lightly on the bedroom door, “Can I come in?’

“Hm?Yes.”Bailey sighed a little as she finished brushing her hair, looking up at him as he stepped inside, tilting her head a little as she considered the bowl he was holding, easing onto the edge of the bed and takingit from him as he handed it to her.

“I’m...uh. I brought you icecream. It always makes me feel better when I’m sad.....Dean told us why you were upset. Cause Sam was going to come in here and needle you until you talked, I guess.”He admitted, a small fond smile for his moose of a boyfriend, who wasn’t nearly as subtle as he thought. “But Dean said he wasn’t allowed and they started screaming at each other and Dean told us you lost a daughter and that it was her birthday a few days ago, and Sam went really quiet, and Dean got all angry because Sam didn’t have any right to push in the first place, and now they’re not talking.”Dmitri sighed a little.

“Thanks....”Bailey muttered as she started to eat it, wincing a little. “Sam’s a sweetheart....I know he was just worried.”She said, wincing at the idea of the boys getting in a fight over it. “They shouldn’t have done that...I mean...it wasn’t...that big of a deal. Just the first time I didn’t go home....or forgot about it. I forgot....”She shuddered a little, and she’d been with Dean. Somehow, the knowledge she’d been with Dean on Justice’s birthday, just made it worse.

“Sam was being a dick, and Dean wasn’t feeling very well to begin with. Dean told him to back off a couple of times, but Sam’s...getting frustrated. He knows that Dean’s hiding something really bad and he’s anxious because he can’t help...they were going to fight, this was just the spark.”He assured her before smiling a little. “Better now when they can cool down, than at the wedding or during a hunt.”

’Ah.well, getting Dean to talk about anything is like pulling teeth. They were bound to fight about it I guess...I know what he’s hiding. Tell Sam not to worry to much, I’ll look after him.”She said, because she might not know everything, but she knew enough to be worried about him.

“I figured, but it’ll make him feel better to know at least someone knows.”Dmitri said letting silence grow for a moment before sighing.

“...I don’t know what it’s like to lose a child, but I know what it’s like to lose someone close to you. My little brother Damien, he died right in front of me....we were climbing a tree and we thought if we believed hard enough, we could fly....I broke my leg, but Damien...he broke his neck....so I know it’s not the same, but I know a little bit about how much it hurts.”He was quiet for a long moment before tilting his head a little. “I know how you feel....I cried for three days when I came here, because I couldn’t go lay flowers on Damien’s grave and tell him how much of a bitch my mother is....it’s still really hard, but it gets easier. Especially knowing Damien would want me to be happy. Wouldn’t want me to be sad all the time...Sometimes, I forget to, and then I realize that’s normal. I’ll never forget him, but...sometimes it’s okay not to feel agonized...just like it’s okay to be miserable. There’s not set way to grieve and there’s no time limit either.”

“I’m sorry....no child should have to know what that’s like...when it should have just been a game.”Bailey smiled softly, painfully, because Justice had scared her like that once in the months before, and it had scared her so badly to see her little girl pretending she could fly. Staring down into her ice cream bowl she sighed a little. “It’s...I’ve never not gone. Or...it was just me...for a long time.”She muttered because more then anything, she wanted to curl up with Dean, to let him take care of her, but she couldn’t do that. She would just hurt him if she did. “It’s nice having people around...I haven’t...not since Justice died....”

“You’re not alone anymore Bailey. We can help you, you just have to let us in. I know that’s super hard, but you’ll feel better, having someone you can trust. Even if it’s just Dean, or just me, or Sam, or Cas, it’s someone. And that’s all that matters.”He promised.

“I’m trying.”She smiled a little, because despite knowing that she’d hurt Dean by telling him, she felt better at sharing. 

“It takes time, but it does get better.”Dmitri promised, tilting his head a little. 

“...We have to get going....wedding’s in a few hours, and I bet Sam wants to visit with everyone before....”

“We’ll be fine. The church is only a half hour away, on foot. I promise.”Dmitri said taking her empty ice cream bowl from her. 

“In that case...I think I’m going to lay down for a bit...”Bailey sighed softly, scooting back across the bed to curl up under the covers, despite the talk, feeling miserable and tired. Not about to admit to wanting Dean, not when she knew he had more then enough to deal with.

“Okay. Want me to tuck you in?”He offered as he stood though he didn’t wait for a response before tucking her in, leaning down to kiss her temple before letting himself out.

“....Sparkplug?You asleep?”Dean asked hesitantly knocking on the door a few minutes later, his voice a soft whisper so he wouldn’t wake her up if she was asleep. “Can...Could I...take a nap with you? I don’t want to be alone...”

“Dean?No. I’m not asleep, come on in.”Bailey said smiling a little as she looked up at him as he came in.

“Sorry...I know you probably want to be alone...”Dean said as he crossed the room, climbing into the bed as he stared at her, pausing as he was nudged a little. A small smile tweaking his lips as he realized what she wanted. Shifting to curl up against her back as she snuggled back into him. “I didn’t realize till this morning...I yelled at Sam and now I feel bad....will you...when you feel better. Would you tell me about her?”

“No..it’s okay. I could use the snuggles.”Bailey muttered, sighing quietly before wincing. “How could you have known?I didn’t tell you. Of course you didn’t know.”She muttered before smiling slightly. “He was only trying to help. Apologize and he’ll forgive you....and I will. When we go to Bobby’s, we can get the letters I wrote, but never sent you. And the videos...all for you. You can know her.”

“It was her birthday....I didn’t realize...I looked at the picture again, and I noticed it was her birthday and I felt horrible because I hadn’t....”Dean sighed softly. “And if felt as if...I’d betrayed her. Somehow. Then Sam started pushing....he does that, he pushes, and pushes, and pushes until I can’t take it anymore, and it wasn’t my secret to tell but I said it anyways, because he wouldn’t shut up...”Dean went quiet before nodding a little. “And okay....we can take them to the bunker where they’ll be safe...as for the letters, even if you had sent them, I probably wouldn’t have gotten them. I never stayed anyplace long enough.”

“It was....I didn’t remember Dean...I didn’t remember.”Her voice cracked a little, before sighing. “Dean, you were a little distracted by the fact that she existed to notice when her birthday was. Be fair to yourself.”She pointed out before smiling a little. “Because Sam worries about you, and knows if he doesn’t keep after you, you’d probably never tell him anything.....and she was your daughter to. She’s your secret to....though did you tell him that? I mean...everything else?”She asked even as she settled closer to him. “I could have sent them to bobby’s. you would have gotten them eventually....it just...made me feel not as alone. Like you were just away from home then, for a little while, I wasn’t alone....it never worked long, but for a bit, it was okay.”

“I’ll never be fair on myself, not until you’re a little more fair on yourself.”Dean shot back. “Besides, I saw the day I found out when her birthday was. It’s unforgivable that I forgot in three days.....and Sam’s a dick and he should leave me alone.”Dean grumbled before studying her. “No, I only told him you had a daughter and that she died and that it had been her birthday, which is why you were upset. I’m sure he suspects but I didn’t tell him. It didn’t feel...right. Telling him. Not now, not yet. Maybe later....I didn’t tell him how she died either, though I’m sure he thinks it some spook of some kind.”Dean added before looking thoughtful, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you...but I am now.”He muttered against her hair, smiling softly as she settled in to sleep. Glad she was relaxing that much.

“You only think he’s a dick cause he’s worried and anxious about it. Be nice.”She ordered smiling a little thought, “good....I think he’d be even more upset about upsetting you if he knew for sure....he already feels bad enough.”

“He always feels bad when we fight...honestly, he’s a little bit of a bitch.”Dean said sounding a little amused though as he watched her go to sleep.

* * *

Sam smiled softly as he looked down at the man he was dancing with, gently pressing a kiss to his cheek a little, careful not to mess up his makeup, “You look amazing.”He muttered looking over his mate, kissing him carefully to not smear his lip gloss. Glancing around the room he sighed quietly as he considered the two people sitting at their table still. He wasn’t sure what was more annoying, that they weren’t dancing together, or that Dean was making eyes at the bridesmaids. 

“Thanks.”Dmitri smiled a little, well on his on his way to tipsy himself, before wincing a little as Dean stood to join the bridesmaids. “They’ll be okay.”

“Yea, I know.”Sam sighed softly, knowing that he just had to let them make their own mistakes. “Dean’s going to get himself killed.”

“Something’s wrong though. Dean doesn’t look like he’s enjoying himself to much.”Dmitri said, watching as Dean headed back towards the table and sat down. “Isn’t he supposed to be some kind of ladies’ man? Do you think having Bailey around is affecting him?He’s acting odd.”

“No he really doesn’t....and he usually is. He’d have a line going of bridesmaids...hell, the only wedding I’ve ever gone to him with, he bagged all 6 bridesmaids between the wedding and the end of the reception.”Sam sighed quietly watching the other two. “And yes, I think it’s messing with him.”

“...Do you think maybe he’s sick? He’s behaving erratically....does he have a drinking problem? It would explain a lot....maybe we should stage a intervention?”

“He does...but it’s been worse....we’ll wait and see...See if Bailey gets to him.”Sam sighed, knowing they were being to serious for a wedding,but not able to stop it.

* * *

“It’s just....not worth it.”Dean grumbled, poking at the pathetic remains of his pie.

“What?Dancing?I’m fairly certain that bridesmaid over there wants to do some dancing with you. On the table. Bar. Floor. She doesn’t look particularly picky about where she wants to ride you.”Bailey said as she sipped her whiskey, sounding defensive and upset, wound tight. Despite having wanted Sam to have a good time, and it was obvious the man was-him and dmitri hadn’t left the dancefloor yet, she had known coming herself would be a bad idea. She should have just stayed at Dmitri’s.

“No...dancing is...whatever. I just...they’re to easy.”Dean admitted with a shake of his head, sighing quietly. “I’m so tired. Having sex just...doesn’t...”He poked at his food some more. “It’s a habit. It’s boring. It doesn’t mean anything anymore and I hardly even feel it....I don’t know why I even bother anymore....I want to go home....I want to have a home, not dance with some tramp at a wedding....”He said before looking at her. “Do you want to dance?At least then it might be fun.”

“Ah....you’re doing sex wrong if you’re finding it boring. You always said that.”Bailey said looking over at dean, feeling the same icy cold feeling at the idea of him taking someone home. “We can go you know. It’s not that far to walk....but yes. Okay. One dance.”She said getting up, holding out a hand.

“Nah, I’m just tired. Tired of trying to be...normal. I’m tired of pretending there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m tired of pretending I’m not fucked up...I’m tired of pretending.”Dean said as he nodded, standing, taking her hand. 

“Ah, well, we’re not normal. And there’s plenty of wrong with us, but we have each other. We can be tired together.”Bailey smiled a little.

“Let’s dance then.”Dean smiled a little leading her out to the dance floor, “Just one dance, just to say I got to have one that didn’t suck.”To say he got to have one with someone that mattered.

“Can’t promise that, I’ll probably step all over your feet, and considering these boots, it’s gonna hurt.”She said stepping into his arms, shifting. The woman was tall for a woman, and with the inch high boot heels, put her at the perfect height to rest her head against his shoulder, closing her eyes. For a moment, a small tiny moment, allowing herself to believe she could have this. Feeling those strong arms, broad chest and gentle breathing ruffling her hair, made her want to cry, because she knew she’d never have this. She didn’t deserve this.

“I’m sure you’ll do fine. Just let me lead, I wont let you trip.”Dean smiled a little, turning his head a little as he closed his eyes, simply letting himself enjoy it.“We should stop....I’m drunk enough to not stop myself from kissing you if we keep going.”Dean muttered.

Bailey jerked back, looking up at him, eyes searching his face, a little tipsy herself as she looked at him, before reaching up, without really thinking it through and sliding her hands through his hair. Pulling him down for a kiss, a hard and desperate kiss that spoke of sweaty nights and desperate groping, of rushed sex against the door, or even the floor when you couldn’t even wait long enough to get to bed.

* * *

“Sam!Finally, congratulations. I’d been worried about you.”Amber smiled as the two stepped off the dance floor, looking him over, before smiling at Dmitri. “This boy here, gets himself into all kinds of trouble. You’ll watch over him?”

“Oh, what fun would that be?I’ll laugh at him while I bail him out of jail, it’s a lot more fun.”Dmitri said nodding sagely before leaning over to kiss her cheek. “You’re wedding was so beautiful.”

“Then you’ll have to call me so I can be his lawyer.”Amber smiled a little. “And thank you.”

“You two are just trouble together.”Sam said looking to amused to be worried about it.

“That would be fun. Especially if I was in jail with him.”Dmitri said smiling as he hugged her, “The pie was great to. Dean ate like, ten slices.”

 

I saw that. I hope he’s having a good time...”Amber said watching across the room as the other two hunters discreetly ducked out of the reception hall.

“He did....he’s just going through some stuff, it’s not the party Amber.”Sam reassured her, hoping she wouldn’t be to upset.

“The girl who was with him?Is his soul mate, but they had a really nasty falling out before they knew they were soulmates so it’s kinda messing with him.”Dmitri explained as he saw Amber’s curious look as he watched them leave, looking at Sam’s slightly worried look.. “He ate like ten pies himself, he’s probably going to be sick.”

“really?That sucks, but I’m sure they’ll figure it out.”Amber said looking worried.

Sam snickered a little, shaking his head. “Be sick or have sex, it’s a toss up really.”

“Either way, we’re staying here for at least another hour. We can gossip about Sam.”Dmitri said conspiratorially with a look to Amber, amused at the sputtering Sam did, distracted from what was going on outside. Which had been his intent.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, just a warning. The second half of this chapter is pure smut c so if you want to skip it you can, just know that sex happens. Lol enjoy!

Cas watched across the parking lot as he watched the two hunters heading back to the dorm, settling back against the picnic bench before glancing at the demon standing next to him. “If you came to be a nuance, don’t. He’s having enough problems without you messing with him.”

 

“Dean started it, but no, that’s not why I’m here. “

 

“Well, I’m ending it, leave him alone.”Cas shook his head before frowning at the demon, about as close as he’d ever get to admitting to being worried about Crowley. 

 

“Relax, Castiel. It’s nothing bad, just a few mild pranks. It helps for him to relax a little.”Crowley admitted watching the angel. He was one of the few....really, the only person who really knew Dean anymore. Knew everything there was to know. 

 

“Yes....I guess, fergus.”Cas said mildly. Hey if Crowley wanted to use his real name, he’d use the demon’s. Not knowing why this harmless prank war was bothering him though. “Though, did you have to possess the girl? Him and Bailey are having enough problems without you teasing them.”

 

“You’re a bit of a shit.”Crowley grumbled before sighing. “I’m well aware of Dean’s issues regarding that girl. They’re both being fucking stupid. He needs the nudge, they need each other.....are you aware? At all...of dean’s past?”crowley asked, hesitating. “I don’t want to loose Dean’s trust, but I feel like it would be in his best interest if someone he...you know, can depend on was at least somewhat aware. I swore I would tell but...I just don’t know that I can give him the help he really needs. I held him while he cried, but that’s all I’m really capable of doing....I don’t know emotions the way you do.”the demon said frowning, wanting to do what was best for Dean.

 

“A bit. I learned from the best.”Considering it had been Deaen and Crowley who had taught him, that was very true. “Did you know about the child?”After Sam had told him, he’d guessed at the truth and had a good idea of what happened, even if Sam hadn’t put the pieces together yet. “...Some. Only what he mumbles in his sleep, and even then he wont tell me. As good as it would be to know, I refuse to treat him like other angels would.”Cas said, which meant he simply wouldn’t take the information from the man, and hadn’t used their bond to find out.”I’ll try to talk to Dean first....and see if Bailey knows. If she does...or he tells me, then you don’t have to break his trust.”

 

“You did learn from the best.”Crowley agreed as he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and tapped one out, setting it against his lips and lit it. “Child?”Crowley asked, frowning a little before looking surprised. “Good god, did Dean propagate?”He asked, looking vaguely horrified at by the idea. “As a demon...he has no real filter. He told me everything because he had to tell someone. I promised him, when he went back to human, that I wouldn’t tell anyone but...I’m getting worried about him.”

 

 

“Hm. Yes. It’s always good to know something before you do.”Cas said snorting slightly at how horrified the other looked. “You don’t have to look so horrified at the idea....and he did. She...died. During a werewolf attack in lawerence.”

 

“You don’t understand. There’s another winchester running around in this world. Do you not understand the capacity for mayhem in this?”Crowley said before wincing, shaking his head at the idea. “He didn’t know, did he?”

 

“Believe me, I apperciate the capacity for mayhem....No, he didn’t.”Cas said sighing softly, because he knew it had hurt dean. “I don’t know if he’ll forgive her for it really.”

 

“He’s forgiven her. He’d never hold that against her. She did what she felt was best for their child, and he’d agree with her in a heartbeat that he was never fit to raise a child. If anything, he blames himself for not being there to protect either of them when she died.”

 

“For a man who says he’s horrible at emotions, you’re being oddly reassuring.”

 

“It’s a gift. But that wasn’t why I came to see you I’m here to warn you that someone is not as they appear...”Crowley said, shifting to a more serious subject.”I’ve been forbidden from further interfering though. I’m also here to warn you that Lucifer is gaining to much control downstairs, I’m stuck up here until he’s gone, or I’ll be stuck in that damned kennel again, or killed....not sure what would be worse...you’ll be seeing a lot of more of me now, I get bored you know.”

 

“....You can’t tell me who it is?....and as much as I’d like to see you in a kennel, I don’t think Lucifer’s would be the choice to see.”

 

“I’m sorry...I can’t tell you. It’d just not be Lucifer who’d smite my ass.”he added, that didn’t sound right though. Demons couldn’t smite, he was trying to tell the other something before sighing. “I knew you were a kinky bastard.And no, Lucifer’s kennel wouldn’t be ideal....I can warn you however, the little mate. Moose’s mate, he’s one of Azazel’s hosts. Lucifer was for sam, Azazel was for the younger one. So dmitri is being targeted specifically as well, you are going to have to be careful.”

 

“Not kinky, just practical. If you’re caged at least I know where you are and your not causing me another headache.”Cas said before looking as close to frustrated as he ever did. Dammit, why was nothing ever easy for them? It was bad enough that their mates were being hunted, without the thought of them wanting to be possessed to. “...What about bailey?”

 

“If someone has a specific interest in Squirrel’s mate, it’s not on the demonic end. I don’t know what the angel’s want, so I can’t guarantee she isn’t supposed to be promised to someone, but it seems doubtful. Michael wouldn’t want to share.”

 

“You are correct, I doubt Michael would let anyone take his mate, if only because he’d have a use for her himself probably....I dislike not being as in touch with the angels as I used to be.”Because it made him feel useless.

 

“....does the whole mate thing transfer for angels?”Crowley said looking interested. “I didn’t realize Dean’s mate would be Michael’s as well....and until Michael and Lucifer can be trapped we’re both rather useless on the information end.”He admitted offering the angel a cigarette. “there are rumors however, that may or may not be true, that there are guardians involved.”

 

Guardians were the keepers of the balance between everything, they took no side and often tended to wound demons and angels alike. They’re main job was to keep demons and angels from destroying the earth, or ending the human lives they were fighting for. A lot of angels and demons both didn’t believe they actually existed, though it sounded like Crowley did.

 

“Not in the traditional sense...she wont be michael’s mate, but she is Dean’s. And michael would be in Dean’s body. Fathering a child while wearing her chosen mate’s guise, would give michael a new body with a part of his own heavenly grace in it.”Cas frowned a little as he took the cigarette, he didn’t enjoy it as much as Crowley, but he did take it sometimes. Frowning a little at the idea of the guardians.

 

“Huh...well I guess that makes a twisted sort of sense.”Crowley said as he watched the angel light up. “Sick bastard, even I call that a line I’m not willing to cross for anything.”Crowley said before nodding, seeing the look on the other’s face. “Yea, until a while ago, I wasn’t fully convinced they actually existed. I sure as hell am now....I came in a while ago, because of all the hell hounds here...they attacked me and the guardian showed up and just swept through them like butter. It was beautiful.”

 

“There’s a theory it would work for demons to, but there seems even a few lines demons wont cross just to see.”Cas said before tilting his head. “So. That’s what happened to the hellhounds. I wa wondering why they disappeared before I got to them all.”

 

“They didn’t all disappear. The guardian chased the hounds off of me and sam’s mate. I do believe the young man has no idea he was saved...or if he does, he’s keeping it to himself. With the guardians involved, both are probable.”Crowley said.

 

“Huh. We’ll just have to wait and see then. For now, I think we all need the break, and we’re as safe as we could be for the moment.”

 

“Yes...you’re fairly safe here with a guardian hanging around. I don’t know if you can sense it, being a angel who means no harm. As a demon, even if I mean no harm, I can  feel it constantly judging me....there’s protections laid all over the college compound now, the guardian shed a good deal of it’s own blood laying the protections.”

 

“...Is that what I’m feeling?Not...like I’m being watched. Just a simple like...buzzing in the back of my head. I get the same feeling with devil’s traps. I just thought there was alot of traps around.”

 

“Exactly, because you wouldn’t be feeling devils traps around here...to public.”Crowley said smirking a little, wondering if Cas would finally question him on just why he was having such issues.

 

“....Just as public as your cell phone, and Dean was sending traps to you on that.”Cas teased a little as he finished his cigarette, looking at the other. “Why are you looking at me like the demon who ate the canary, and not only got away with it, but managed to blame your enemy?” 

 

“My cellphone isn’t public.”Crowley admitted before smirking even more, though he didn’t respond as he checked his cellphone as if the other hadn’t said anything. Looking up as he saw a giggling Dmitri walking out with Sam, rolling his eyes a little at the large hickey that covered Sam’s neck.

 

“More important messages?”Cas said moving away as he stepped towards the others, having every intention of joining them back at the dorm.

 

“Hm, just keeping abreast of the rumors I can. I do have a few still loyal to me. They’re keeping their ears to the ground for me.”Crowley admitted, following Cas with a grin for a moment before reaching out, “By the way.”He smirked suddenly grabbing the angel by the front of his shirt, kissing him intently before letting go. He was gone with a bright laugh and a possessive stroke to the angel’s cheek as he vanished.

 

Leaving behind one confused angel as he followed Sam and Dmitri back to the dorm.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Bailey slowed a little as they neared the parking lot, glancing across the gravel towards their cars, for a moment considering moving towards there, but not moving yet. Startling as little as Dean paused, looking her over as he drew her close again, “I need...just one more time...a kiss that means something...”Dean muttered as he meshed his mouth with hers, tangling his hands up in that soft blond hair.

 

Bailey moaned quietly as she kissed him back, swaying into him a little, before backing him up the few steps to the impala, pushing him back to sit down on Baby’s hood, kissing him better now that they were the same height as she stood between his legs. Dean shuddered as his ass hit the metal, deepening the kiss because she was so good and perfect, and forgetting entirely why he was supposed to be resisting this as his hands found her hips. Drawing her closer, lifting her easily into him, shuddering as she pressed close enough to feel just how hard he was for her.

 

Bailey whined softly as he moaned, soft and quiet. She’d always been the quieter of the two of them. It was a good thing Dmitri’s place was fairly private, otherwise they’d probably get the cops called on them. Head dropping to his shoulder as she rocked her hips into his, hands gripping his shirt, tugging at the fabric. To desperate after ten years to remember she was supposed to be resisting this.

 

Dean sighed softly, breaking the kiss to bury his mouth against her neck, sucking and nibbling, kissing the skin under his lips, smirking against her skin as she tilted her head back. Sliding his hands up her ribs, drawing her shirt with it, fingers stroking against her skin as he raised his head to look at her. “Tell me yes.”He whispered quietly, because he always wanted consent, no matter what, he always asked.

 

Panting as she looked at him, blinking, lust drunk. Staring at him like he was insane for even pausing, nodding. “Please, oil slick...you got me so slick...”She teased, a smirk tilting her lips as she squirmed in his lap.

 

Dean snorted a little as he pinched a nipple at her quip. “That was terrible. Awful. I forgot how awful your sense of humor was.”Dean grumbled as he gently set her back on her feet, moving towards the back of the car.

 

Bailey moaned, gasping as he pinched her nipple, growling back at him as she pinched his nipple as she slid into the backseat. “You’re the one with the terrible sense of humor.”She said helping him undress her as she laid back in the seat, amused that he left her boots in place along with the lingerie. 

 

“That was cruel. And I’m hiliarious.”Dean growled at her.“God, you’re going to kill me. So hot.”Dean muttered as he stroked a hand over a gartered leg, looking at all that lacy and silk. He’d always had a thing for lingerie and boots. Stroking a hand over the leather and silk softly as Bailey laughed.

 

“You can’t die yet. I still have a use for you.”Bailey smirked at him.

 

“God yes.”Dean growled as he bent his head, running his tongue along the skin at her hip, tasting and trailing his fingers along the insides of her legs, tracing the silky edge of her underwear, shuddering a little. “Fuck, you’re beautiful.”he growled, shifting to look down at her even as he undressed himself. Examining her, and clearly wondering if he could fuck her without taking the underwear off, before deciding he couldn’t, sliding it as he slid his fingers into her. 

 

Bailey whimpered, squirming a little as his fingers slid into her, shivering as his lips brushed against her skin, whimpering softly as he found the stretch marks along her hip, the slightly scarred skin, the marks hidden almost under the scars that a life as a hunter had left, but under those marks of death, were life. Of bearing a child, even if there was so much death to go with it. “You’re not so bad yourself.”She panted, squirming a little, head falling back as his mouth found her, the quiet eager sounds that fell out of her mouth music to Dean’s ears.

 

 Smirking against her skin as he drove her over the edge, smirking as he lapped up the evidence of her orgasm, raising his head to look up her body at the woman panting above him. She was so beauitful, pressing a kiss the closest mark on her skin. So he was a guy who liked slightly older women who didn’t look plastic perfect.  He wanted to make this last, wanted it to last forever, wanted her to stay with him forever. He knew that wouldn’t happen though, so he’d take this single, perfect moment and be content with that.

 

“S-sorry.”Bailey muttered panting as she looked down at the man, moving her feet a little as she realized she’d been pressing the heels of her boots into his lower back, blinking at him slowly as he moved closer to her, sliding her hands over his skin as he moved up.

 

“You’re not sorry at all, and neither am I.”Dean informed her as he kissed her silent, shifting to undo his jeans, whimpering softly as he pressed against her, rubbing the head of his cock against her slick sex. “Tell me yes...”

 

“Maybe not. Though that’s gonna hurt tomorrow.”Bailey muttered, looking a little relieved though that he wasn’t regretting this before they’d even finished. Shuddering as he rubbed against her, not able to stop her hips from bucking up against his. “Dean, please!Yes, please, please!”Bailey begged, her voice quickly begging , pleasure quickly turning to pain, to much, treading that thin line between the two. 

 

“It’s okay, sparkplug, I got you.”Dean muttered gently nuzzling her before kissing her again, sliding into her with a quick thrust of his hips before holding still letting her adjust before rolling his hips, taking his time fucking her slowly.

 

“I know.”Bailey muttered, knowing whatever happened, when they returned to friends and simply that, that no matter what, Dean would look after her. He’d always had her back. Moaning quietly as she came, nails digging into his back as she clung to him. Despite not being 19 anymore, Dean made her feel that way, like she was just discovering the joys of sex after the horror of john.

 

Dean shuddered as he felt her nails digging into his back, raising his head to look down at her. To far gone to pull out when he came, but wasn’t to worried about it. After so many blows to the dick, and his time as a demon, he was sure he couldn’t propagate anymore. Shifting as he pulled out, shifting to snuggle against her, curling up with her on the impala’s large back seat. “You okay?I wasn’t to rough?”He muttered, because after his time as a demon, he was always a little bit worried he’d forget himself.

 

“No, you were perfect.”Bailey muttered, sighing softly. She knew she was going to be sore in the morning, simply because it’d been so long since she had sex, not because he’d been rough. Shifting to snuggle with him, content to lay there for the moment, not wanting to go inside just yet, afraid that when they did, the spell of this moment would break.

 

“Okay. Good.”Dean muttered, kissing her neck, content. He loved this part the most, at least when he cared about the person he’d had sex with. “We should go up before the others get back....we can’t sleep here, we’ll get stiff.”

“Yea...”She muttered squirming a little, smirking at him.”You’ve already gone stiff.”She teased before shifting to get up, tugging her dress back on.

 

“You’re awful, god.”Dean snorted a little at the joke. “You definitely have bobby’s sense of humor.”He huffed as he got dressed himself, brushing his fingers through her hair to make it more presentable. He had no doubt the others would know, but he didn’t feel the need to broadcast it.

 

“I’m not the awful one. I think you influenced my humor, oil slick.”

 

“I’m sure my humor was never so terrible as that.”Dean said as he got out of the car. Pausing at the sight of the others walking towards the dorm. Frowning a little as he considered Cas.

 

“It was.”Bailey promised him as hse got out of the car, considering Cas to. “Cas?You okay?”

 

“I...I’m fine.”Cas said smiling a little, shaking his head. “It’s nothing.”

 

“You okay?”Sam said studying his brother, looking vaguely amused as he considered his brother as they headed inside, looking ready to tease him, but willing to not to if he was upset at the loss.

 

“I’m fine.”Dean growled, which meant he wasn’t and Sam was going to get punched in the face if he tried to tease or push. “You smell like sulfur, Cas. Did you come across a demon?”Dean asked, looking worried as he examined his angel for any hint of damage or injury.

 

“Crowley. Said he wanted to check in, inform us a guardian was hanging around.”Cas said though he blushed a little, 

 

“I’m going to bed.”Bailey muttered quietly studying the blushing Cas, before deciding to leave him alone, since she didn’t want to answer questions herself.

 

Dean scowled a little as he watched her go, wondering what Crowley had done, “Guardian? What the hell is a guardian?Angel?”He guessed resisting the urge to follow after Bailey, focusing on the others.”So crowley’s hanging around?”

 

“They’re protectors. They keep the balance....and keep the demons and angels from mucking up things to much. I had doubted their existence, but Crowley is sure they do....and yes, he is. He wants to talk to you, later, to.”

 

“I’m going to bed...I’m tired.”Dmitri muttered yawning as he headed after Bailey, ducking into his room.

 

“You two talk, I’m going to bed with him.”Sam said quietly, leaving them alone. Feeling the sting of pain knowing Dean was more likely to talk to Cas then him. The quiet shush of the door closing was heard in a few moments.

 

Dean tilted his head a little as he watched Sam and Dmitri go, before making a face. “Huh, So they’re basically protecting humans?Finally a supernatural being I might actually get along with....I thought angels knew everything? You don’t know for sure that they exist?”Dean frowned a little.

 

“Yes, they are, and we’re supposed to but it seems these are things even angels don’t know.”Cas said wincing a little. “At least not for sure...and no, I’m not. But Crowley is sure that they do.”He said rubbing a hand over his face.

 

“Well, it could be there’s a reason for that. If these guardians don’t take sides, I’d imagine both demons and angels would want them gone and out of the way. Especially with the fact that both sides are trying to kick off the apocalypse.”

 

“True....we’ve fucked up everything enough that the others don’t want the guardians to exist....but I hope they do. If they do, we might escape this alive.”Cas said frowning a little as he watched Dean settle on the couch for a nap. Heading for the room that dmitri had given him, the angel sighed, settling in to read.


	17. help me

“Dean?”Bailey muttered quietly as she walked out into the living room, feeling raw and hurt. Even if she knew she shouldn’t, that she told herself she was perfectly happy with being alone, she still felt hurt to be left alone after the car. Even if it hadn’t meant anything, it would have been nice for sleeping snuggles. “...Dean?How are you not feeling exhausted?”

“What?Of course I got some sleep.”Dean said, even though she hadn’t been what she asked. “I went to go snuggle with you but you were asleep and I didn’t want to wake you up. You’d probably shoot me...”Dean admitted, picking at his clothes a little, picking out the lint that only he could see. He needed to stop before she knew something was wrong. “Did you have a nightmare? Do you need me to come lay down with you? I will. I don’t mind...Don’t like sleeping alone. I remember things....”

“....No you didn’t.”Bailey said frowning at the man, running a hand through her hair, looking small and soft in his clothes, because she’d stolen a pair of his sweats and t-shirt to sleep in. “Yea...I might have...but cuddles would have been nice.”She said frowning at him, eyes wide and worried.”

“Of course I did. It’s like, three in the morning. I just woke up hungry. You know me, always hungry. I should have come and cuddled but I wasn’t sure you’d want me there so...so I didn’t because I didn’t want to upset you or cross a line because I never know where the line is....”

“You’re hungry. All the time. Except when you don’t want pie.”Bailey said frowning at him, before sighing. “I don’t...either. But it’s sorta...”She shrugged, not going on. Not about to admit that he’d hurt her by not joining her, simply because she felt used and thrown away, disposable to him as simply someone to have sex with.

“I’m sorry....I should have just joined you. I wanted to but I was afraid you’d be mad at me...”Dean said.

“No...I’m sorry...I don’t know how this is supposed to be...friends and all. It’s all so tangled.”

“Yea, I’m confused to, because I don’t know the signals you’re sending me....because I don’t know if I’m reading you right, or if I’m just passing my own desires onto you or...”He stuttered a little. Fidgety and upset as he watched her.

.”Sorry....we’re both horrible at this...”She sighed. “..Dean. What’s wrong with you? You’re acting-”She stopped staring at him, before moving closer. “What did you take?”She growled, moving closer, crowding into his personal space.

“What?!I am not. I didn’t! I would never! It was just a couple of painkillers, I have a headache.”Dean lied, well aware it wasn’t going to fool her and he was so so stupid for mentioning the ibeproven because now he’d draw attention to his Adderall stash. “It’s fine. I’m fine!”

“Yea, I could believe a headache.”She growled a little, crowding closer, eyes wide and scared as she patted at his pockets. “Give me the bottle Dean.”

“No!Back off!I don’t have anything!”Dean protested. “I don’t have any bottles!You’re out of your mind.”He snarled as she patted him, “See!Nothing.”He huffed, even though he knew he was busted. Knew he had to distract her before she leaped to the next logical spot was Baby, but if he could distract her, if he could stop her, then she’d never know for sure that it wasn’t just a one time thing. He knew better though, nothing stopped Bailey once she set her mind to something.

“Dean....”Bailey frowned at him, before shoving at him a little. “You stubborn jackass.”She growled, guilt twisting her stomach. Maybe she was wrong? Swallowing thickly before twisting away from him. Not bothering to put on her shoes as she headed for the car. She’d see if she was right, then let it go if she wasn’t. “Open the door, Dean.”

Dean sighed softly, watching her for a long moment, taking in the stubborn set of her features as she stood next to baby, and knew she was thinking about breaking a window to get in. Sighing softly as he handed her the keys, unable to meet her eyes as he reached into the driver’s side door after she opened it. Handing her the bottle of ibeproven.

Bailey paused, staring at the bottle in her hand before dumping it into her palm, staring at the small capsules of adderall. Not understanding what she was seeing for a moment, she’d expected coke or heroin...not this.”Adderall?”she frowned a little before looking up at him, “Is this all you have, Dean?”

“It’s just a couple of pills..it’s not hurting anything. College kids take them all the time,...I just needed something to keep me going that’s all....”Dean muttered before flushing, looking at her guiltily before reaching into the backseat for his bag. Handing her the other bottle even as he gripped his arms tightly to keept from taking it back. Shuddering because he’d given her everything, and he had nothing anymore, not even her. If she took his pills, he wouldn’t function right, wouldn’t be able to handle anything. She was taking away to much and he couldn’t handle that, so he reached out and snatched one of the bottles back. “I need them.”

“College kids also over dose and kill themselves. And cause lifelong problems, you idjit.”Bailey snarled, the anger hiding pain and fear, snarling at him as he took it back, shoving him a little. “Give them back Dean. I can still kick your ass. Don’t make me do it, then you’ll be a sore loser, and none of us will be happy.”She said holding out a hand. Despite the words, not trying to take them from him. He had to want to let go, needed to let her help. Otherwise recovery would never work. “Please.”

“They don’t. They help, and I never take more then one!”He protested, stumbling a little when she shoved him, clutching the pills even harder before a sob broke free and he dropped them. Watching the bottle clatter to the ground as he pressed his hands to his face, starting to cry. He was coming down and he knew he needed help. Some very serious help and she was probably the only one who could. Sliding down the car as he hit the ground, his whole body wracked with sobs he had held in for so long.

“They will kill you, eventually. There’s a reason they’re made for certain people you know, and not everyone.”She said angry and upset, not with him, well, she was but it was because she was scared for him. Kneeling next to him, hesitating before wrapping her arms around him. “I want to help, Dean, but you have to let me. Getting clean wont work if you don’t let me in.”

“they’e just a couple of pills...i have it under control!”No he didn’t. “I can’t do this without them!You can’t take it all away from me. Please don’t make me face being alone! Please don’t make me!It’s all I have left.”He pleaded, pressing his face into her shoulder. “All I have left that isn’t dead or decaying or destroyed.”

“And when a fw pills aren’t enough? And you move on to harder things, like you went from drinking to this?”She snarled, sounding scared despite the snarl. “I’m not dead. Sam’s not dead. Dmitri’s not. Bobby’s not. Your car’s not decaying, we’re okay. We just need you to join us, okay?”She pleaded, begging him to try.

“I....”Dean swallowed thickly because already the pills weren’t enough. He drank, cut, took pills and it still wasn’t enough. She was right, so very right. “But Sammy died. Cas died. Dmitri and you are going to die or leave. Everyone dies or leaves. You’re going to leave when you realize I’m to fucked up to be the man you need me to be.”He said clinging to her. “I don’t know how....how to go on anymore....”

“....is this all you’ve taken?”bailey demanded, tangling her fingers in his hair and making him look at her, searching his face. “And no, we’re not going anywhere. We’re going to protect us all, and if I have to go to hell to drag you’re overdosing ass back out cause you’ve killed yourself, I’m gonna make a deal with Crowley to do it. But you’re not going to do that to me are you?You’re going to behave, and let me get you sober, and despite what you believe, you’ve always been more then the man I thought I deserved.”She sighed softly, holding onto him as he clung to her. “Well, I’ll teach you how to go on okay? I lost it after....after. Well, i can help you here. It’ll be better. I had bobby, you have me.”

“Yea...I tried pot, but it wasn’t....I didn’t like it.”Dean said cringing a little when she forced his head back. His eyes were wide, terrified and broken. “I’m not going to overdose!You can’t! Don’t you dare go making deals with Crowley!You don’t even know who he is!”Dean protested trembling wildly. “I’m not strong enough Bailey....i’m not strong enough anymore to sober up....I don’t...”

“Good. Of all the things you could have tried, that was more harmless one.”She muttered relaxing at that, sighing softly. Closing her eyes for a moment as she rested her forehead against his, trembling with relief and nearly crying. “So you say. I don’t believe you. Drug addicts always overdose. Eventually....”She muttered smiling. “I might not, but Sammy does. Cas does. If it comes to that, I’m betting they’d put me in touch with him.”Bailey pointed out. Opening her eyes, looking vaguely startled to meeting his eyes from so close, “Then I’ll be strong for you. You’re gonna be my best buddy okay? You get to hang out with me all the time now. Bobby did it for me after....Justice. Made sure I didn’t off myself if I was left alone. Well....I’m gonna get you sober.”she said sitting back on her heels.

“Yea...I hated it...”Dean said frowning a little at her. Worried about her before huffing slightly. “I’m careful....never more than a pill every three days...”Though, he’d taken several pills in the last few days. He knew she was right. He did, he just didn’t want to face up to it, to struggle through life without it. “They wouldn’t....they know better then to do that...”He said though he didn’t sound so sure at the idea. “Bailey you shouldn’t.... Waste that much effort on me. But....okay. I’ll try. For you. We have to tell Sam....Don’t we?”

“If you die, I’m thinking it’ll just be a matter of who gets to Crowley first.”Bailey pointed out, amused that he didn’t sound so sure that the other’s wouldn’t tell her where to find Crowley. “It’s not a wasted effort if I’m helping you.....thank you.”She said quietly, gently brushing her fingers through his hair. “Yes, you do. We could hide it, but we’ll hurt him when he eventually finds out. And he’s already worried enough, we can’t not tell him.”

“I’m not going to go kill myself you know...”Dean muttered sighing quietly. He didn’t want Sam to know. Sam would be angry, so very angry, but she was right. They had to tell them.

“I don’t believe you.”Bailey grumbled, sighing softly because it pained her to see him like this. “Yea, we’ll talk to him in the morning. You need rest.”She said easing aay, holding out a hand to help him up. “Unless you’re planning on sleeping out here. Though I don’t suggest it, I mean....as nice as sex is in it, Baby’s not the most comfortable to sleep in.”She said, still feeling messed up and confused about that, but knowing right now, he needed her to be a friend, and a friend only. She could do that.

Dean nodded a little as he handed the bottles back to her, sighing softly. Trusting her as he followed her back inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos are welcome!They inspire me guys, always glad to hear from everyone. this ones for you guys, who've stuck with it this far, there's so much more to come.^^


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are no, no excuses for how long this took, except that life sort of has a way of sneaking up on you, and fucking you sideways. the last few months have been brutal, long and peppered with exhaustion and depression, and writing...writing fell aside in face of that. I am sorry for all of those of you who were enjoying it, and I can just apologize profusely again, and know that I am working on it, when I can claw my way back up to the surface, and that I'm starting a kink filled awesomeness that is destiel smut, so hopefully bouncing the two stories will keep me from falling again. thank you for reading, and hope you still enjoy it...

“Castiel. I think Dean’s going to be okay. I was going to step in and talk to him when I saw him, but Bailey’s out there with him....seems she’s got it covered.”Crowley said as he paused outside the salt line, waiting for the angel to break it before stepping near the window with him, glancing down at the two in the parking lot.

“You’ll still talk to him.”A statement, not really a question. “He needs friends, and for all your oddities, I think he considers you that.”

“I will. And for all my oddities....I have grown attached to him. And a few certain others...Not Moose is my favorite though. Well. Save for one.”Crowley admitted as he eyed the angel at his side.

“....Are you the reason I’m having problems with the traps? Dammit, Crowley.”

“It’s not entirely my fault, you wouldn’t be having any problems if you didn’t find me as fascinating as I find you.”

“I do not find you find you fascinating you idiot.”

“You do, or my mark would not linger on your lips, my demonic presence wouldn’t linger on your skin.”Crowley teased a little as he eyed the angel who just scowled back at him. Sighing a little, before nodding in silent agreement to leave it alone now.“I need you and sam both to promise something, Dean is in a hard place right now.”Crowley eyed Sam as the man stepped into the room. “When he comes back up, if he tells you what’s wrong, you have to control yourself. Don’t get angry, don’t scream, don’t cry, and for fuck’s sake, don’t blame yourself out loud or you’ll mess up what progress Bailey’s made and before you ask, no. I didn’t know, not until I heard them talking about it.”

“I wont mess up what progress she’s made. He wont let us help if we do.”Sam sighed tiredly, having heard the two talking and gotten up to see what was going on, opening his mouth to say more as the door opened.

“...”Bailey paused staring at the three as she stepped into the room, wincing a little as she realized she’d probably woke them all up when she’d gone slamming through the house earlier. 

“Want some cocoa?”Sam asked already heading for the kitchen to get himself some, smiling slightly when Dean agreed. Gathering a few mugs for them, before handing them out. 

“Sit.”Bailey muttered nudging dean towards the couch as she followed him, smiling as she sipped her hot cocoa, vaguely amused as she eyed the three in the room with them.

“Yea...I’m sitting.”dean muttered fidgeting a little. Wondering if it all was going to come out in the open? They all knew about the alcohol and the sleeping around, but would he have to tell them about the cutting as well as the drugs? He muttered a thanks as he took the cocoa from sam, staring at it instead of drinking, because he didn’t want to be the one to start talking.

“So....Dean’s been taking Adderall for awhile now.”Bailey said, sighing as she felt Dean flinch next to her, knowing he was expecting yelling.

“Like for ADHD?”Sam said staring, looking a little lost. He wasn’t at his best when he was sleep deprived.

“Yes. To get high, and we’re going to help him stop.”Bailey said sensing Dean’s confusion over the not yelling going on.

“....Is that what I was healing?The damage he was doing to himself?”Cas asked, tilting his head slightly. 

“You’ve been healing me?”Dean asked stunned and setting his hands on his arms, feeling the till there cuts and scratches he’d given himself. Sometimes because he need the pain, and sometimes because the Adderall made him twitchy and think there was things under his skin. Every once in awhile though, he would wake up and think he hadn’t actually hurt himself, because he didn’t have any cuts. Had Cas been healing him?

“...Cas?”Sam said eyeing the angel who looked uncomfortable.

“Yes. I...when I was gone, I’d come back and sense injuries, damages to your body....I thought you’d gotten in a bar fight or some such thing and didn’t want to ask for help, so I healed it without asking first.”

 

”I....”Dean swallowed hard, eyes wide as he considered that. “The pain....it helps...”Dean said hunching in, because he knew hiding the cutting wasn’t a option anyway even if Bailey hadn’t told him he had to tell them. “It...it was only sometimes, at first, but then it was to much...and the pain kept me focused, but I’d remember, so I started drinking to forget, and I was getting tired...so tired, so the Adderall helped, and I just...everything all just....”Dean curled in, hunched over, looking as if he expected them to outright attack him.

“Vicious cycle.”Cas frowned a little as he considered that.

“I think we should go home. Crowley has mentioned that the wards at the bunker could use with a refreshment. And going through the books the bunker has, will be good for us to. Not to mention Dmitri’s book.....I think we both need time to recover, Dean.”Sam said leaning against Dean a little, offering silent support and thinkng about the best way to help with a addiction.

“Yes...I would suggest moving on soon. The wards will hold here, but it would be good to be gone before they’re tested again.”Crowley admitted watching Dean, hating how frightened and miserable he looked.

“Y...yea....Bailey said I have to quit and she’s more stubborn than me, so I guess I’m quitting...but I need...the help. I don’t have the strength on my own anymore.”Dean trembling and near tears under the weight of the support when he’d expected judgement and accusations. “Yea...we’ll go back to the bunker....and you’ll have to dump all the alcohol...all of it.”Dean trembled swallowing hard. “I need the help….I don’t… have the strength to do it on my own anymore….”Dean muttered tired, starting to come down now that the drugs were waiting off. 

“You do need to quit, if Cas has been healing you, you’ve probably harmed yourself more then your aware of.”Bailey muttered sighing softly as he nodded a little. 

“Then we’ll support you, and you’re not allowed teasing us about sounding like self-help books okay?”Sam warned teasing him a little, just a bit. Shifting things to a lighter note, knowing Dean was overwhelmed at the moment. 

“After we go to Bobby’s, we’ll go to the bunker.”Bailey muttered ignoring the curious look she was getting from Sam, but glad the man hadn’t asked about the detour since it was one their way there anyways.

“We’ll dump it. You two get some sleep.”Cas said watching bailey and dean stumbling sleepily to bed at the order, to tired to question the order.

Bailey smiled slightly as Crowley followed them, not questioning it as the demon started helping her undress dean as tehy settled him into bed. The demon frowned slightly as he studied the bandages, wincing slightly. “He wasn’t doing this in hell, but I never noticed either. Some of these are old…you’re going to have to watch him very carefully. With the alcohol and drug withdrawals, he may turn to cutting again to make himself feel better.”

“We will….I screwed up once and let him go. I wont let it happen again.”Bailey sighed softly as she stared down at the already sleeping Dean, something hurt and flinching in her features.   
“You did not screw up child. Had you not left, John would have killed you. He tried already did he not? The very night he took you away? The very night he found the strength to flee his father?”Crowley questioned watching her, “You left in fear of your life, and had you gone back, then Dean really would have had nothing to live for. You, are always the brightness in his eyes. Knowing you escaped, knowing you lived, that kept him going for a long time.”Crowley said softly. 

Bailey tilted her head before giving a short nod, but not commenting on it, instead saying “You better go, catch up with us later. I’m sure you can find us.”Bailey muttered as she settled into the bed, putting dean back against the wall, settling in front of him. Weapons laying on the floor, laying in front of him. Even with the other’s there, she was ready to fight. Ready to defend dean with whatever came. She knew this was going to be brutal on them all, but they could do it.


End file.
